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Thread: childfree + friend with kids?

  1. #1
    the reichenbach hero fox in socks's Avatar
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    Wink childfree + friend with kids?

    can it be done?!!?! im wondering if anyone has had a serious friend-relationship change once baby is in the picture. ive known a couple people who just became dead boring after baby was around, when every conversation was about or steered toward baby. i have another friend who wasn't so baby gaga until the kid started to have some issues, and then every conversation turned to her convincing me (herself) what a star said kid was ("omg he's got SOO many words! heres a list....").

    i get that kids=compromise, but i get a little over the "hey want to do something tomorrow?" me: "sure what time?" mom/friend: "dunno. depends on babys nap schedule"....true, i get a little bitchy when its suggested i leave chunks of time open for maybes, depending on babys schedule. anyway, i wonder if any of you non-baby havers experienced any friendship changes when one becomes ye old parent. or vice versa, if youre a parent who enjoys this little forum.

  2. #2
    My BFF had twins 5 years ago and literally dropped off the face of the earth for about a year. Now that they're older and she's divorced (when Dad has the kids she is free), our relationship is pretty much back to the way it was.

    I've had some other friends who became really annoying after having kids, though. One of them (I've mentioned her before - the one whose hella bratty was picking up cat litter with her bare hands at my house) drives me up the wall. I really don't even talk to her anymore. I can't have a phone conversation with her cause her kid literally screams, yells, whines, and talks NONSTOP. We're on the phone and all I hear is, "Minga!!! MINGA! MINGA!!!!!!! I want a sandwich now I'M HUNGRY! Who are you talking to? Why? STOP TALKING!" And my friend just keeps on talking, like I can even hear her over all that insanity. Oh, and we went to see that Neverland movie, the one with Johnny Depp...and she cried during the whole thing, saying, "That little boy reminds me so much of Frannie!" WTF? Frannie was a 6-month-old baby at the time. UGH. Barf.

  3. #3
    bubble in a soundwave sara's Avatar
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    One of my best friends is a new parent and yes, the friendship has changed. We don't live in the same city so we usually talk over MSN. We used to talk about music for hours, share weird YouTube videos, talk about ninjas (he's got a black belt in some kind of ninja jiu jitsu) and just general life stuff. Now every conversation turns to the kid. And he tries to send me at least 5 pictures every time we talk. I get that he's happy and likes being a dad, but I don't need to know your kid's daily poop schedule, thx.

  4. #4
    Who's Deanna? SparkleMotion's Avatar
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    ^^That's the kind of stuff that, as a parent, I don't get. Do I talk about my kid? Of course. But if I'm talking to a friend or we're out and about, the last thing I want to be thinking about is my spastic bundle of annoyance joy back home. And if he's yelling in the background trying to get my attention, God help him.

    My best friend is CF all the way. I was talking to her about the issues in this thread and we're both trying to figure out if we're simply freakish in that we don't experience these things with each other or if a lot of people upon becoming parents simply lose their shit. Sometimes I think that after becoming a parent, some people don't know how to "be" anymore. They get so caught up in the fact that they're someone's mom or dad that they completely lose their sense of self. If they're not talking or thinking about their child they seem to think they're a bad person or something. And yes, I've struggled with this myself because I was damn sure that as much as I love my son, he is not my entire world. To wrap up, thankfully this has not been my experience but I feel bad for those of you who now have strained friendships.

  5. #5
    bubble in a soundwave sara's Avatar
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    ^ Yeah, I get that he's all into the parental lifestyle. So I ask how the offspring is. He seems to take that as a gateway to talk about nothing but the kid. This was literally a conversation we had:
    "Hey dude, how's ninja training?"
    "Good, I passed the test. I got the kid a little jiu jitsu outfit to look like mine. I have pictures and I'll send them. She's so awesome. Like, everything she does is so cool. It's amazing to watch."
    "......yeah my cat can open cupboard doors. That's pretty awesome to watch."

    I really do think that sometimes people lose themselves when they have kids. I'm giant cunt though and start talking about my cat like they do about their kids.

    I do have one friend though who isn't one of those kinds of parents. We've had a lot of conversations about kids and she says "I love my kids.....most of the time. But the universe doesn't revolve around them and I know that they're not magical little people who are amazing all the time. They're just kids."

  6. #6
    Who's Deanna? SparkleMotion's Avatar
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    ^^I like your friend.

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    bubble in a soundwave sara's Avatar
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    She's pretty awesome . Out of all of my friends with kids, she's my favourite mom . One of her sons wanted a pair of leggings or tights and a skirt to wear like the girl he plays with and she said that she'd get him a pair but warned him that they're really uncomfy and he might not like 'em once he put them on. But he did and he wore them around with a ballerina tutu. She said that gender-norming is such bullshit (which I completely agree with) and if her kid wants tights and the uncomfy-ness that goes with them, who is she to say no?

  8. #8
    a little more time, endless time Savannah's Avatar
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    ^ Your friend is awesome. Parent gendering really pisses me off and I see so much of it. My sister just found out she's having a boy and one of the first things she posted on FB was "Time to have a John Deere party!" Blegh.

  9. #9
    to the loneliest city in the world other pete's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sara View Post
    gender-norming is such bullshit
    Do not get me started.

    At Early Learning Centre, we do all we can to help mums help children grow into happy, self-confident people.

    All our toys are designed to help children explore the boundaries of their imaginations and creativity , to make learning fun and help children be all they can be.

  10. #10
    Who's Deanna? SparkleMotion's Avatar
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    My 6 year old son told me he wants an Easy-Bake Oven but that "it's for girls." I told him it's not just for girls, it's just advertised that way. What's worse are the brands that are actually called "Girl Gourmet." I have a boy and he likes to make cupcakes, too! Fuck you and your little light bulb powered crap.
    /hijack

  11. #11
    Senior Member Maeby's Avatar
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    ^

    Buy him the Easy Bake Oven. My uncle who was only 11 when I was born, would bake ******s and tiny cakes in his hand-me-down EB Oven during his high school lunch hour. Yum! He later became a chef and now owns his own restaurant. Who cares which gender the toy is supposed to be geared towards?

  12. #12
    bubble in a soundwave sara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by other pete View Post
    Do not get me started.


    Welp. I just threw up.


    Quote Originally Posted by SparkleMotion View Post
    My 6 year old son told me he wants an Easy-Bake Oven but that "it's for girls." I told him it's not just for girls, it's just advertised that way. What's worse are the brands that are actually called "Girl Gourmet." I have a boy and he likes to make cupcakes, too! Fuck you and your little light bulb powered crap.
    /hijack
    But boys are only allowed the ovens that bake the creepy bug things! *eyeroll*
    I know my friend with a new baby is going to be a great dad and I adore his wife. But I have a feeling that for every sport/ninja training school he puts her in, there'll be some kind of girly, gender norming thing she'll do.

  13. #13
    the reichenbach hero fox in socks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sara View Post
    "Hey dude, how's ninja training?"
    "Good, I passed the test. I got the kid a little jiu jitsu outfit to look like mine. I have pictures and I'll send them. She's so awesome. Like, everything she does is so cool. It's amazing to watch."
    um right--thats what makes me insane. like obviously fast paced development is amazing to watch. i feel the same way about puppies. i just hate when its constant the Kid Show. E.g. with my one friend, every time i see her she has her kid put on the show like "hey jack! show foxy how you can walk! c'mon. c'mon!" and i spend 5 minutes watching the kid half assedly walk or whatever. honestly i dont care--walk or dont, youre not my kid. i mean he's fine and i dont mind interacting and such but again, not my kid. the same friend or "friend?" left me with her kid when he started to get fussy to get a cup of coffee and in 30 seconds the kid went into screaming meltdown in the middle of the coffee shop. i brought him outside as i take no disturbing the peace flack for a kid that isn't my own, but trust--it was one of the moments that reminded me how not child friendly i am.

    as for gender norming--obviously bullshit. i have the hardest time buying toddler clothes for my niece since everything is all"pretty pink princess luvs to shop with mommy". fuck that. i usually try stuff with animals although apparently girls only like dogs and ponies and boys like lions and monkeys. who knew!!?!?

  14. #14
    bubble in a soundwave sara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fantastic Mr. Fox View Post
    um right--thats what makes me insane. like obviously fast paced development is amazing to watch. i feel the same way about puppies. i just hate when its constant the Kid Show.
    Exactly. Watching something grow quickly and learn is neat, but the fact that your kid can learn to walk is pretty much no different from a puppy or a kitten learning.

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Fantastic Mr. Fox View Post
    as for gender norming--obviously bullshit. i have the hardest time buying toddler clothes for my niece since everything is all"pretty pink princess luvs to shop with mommy". fuck that. i usually try stuff with animals although apparently girls only like dogs and ponies and boys like lions and monkeys. who knew!!?!?
    Clothes for little girls are getting fucking ridiculous. When I was a kid, my Mom made a couple of cute girly outfits for me, but otherwise I wore stretchy pants/shorts or jeans and t-shirts. Like, plain solid colors. Boring. THEY'RE KIDS, not mini adults. One of my friends has the worst taste in kids' clothes (IMO). Her girls are always decked out in ruffles and bows and ribbons and sparkles and pink and purple and BARF. I can't take it. She was going to have their pictures made and I begged, BEGGED her to dress them in solid color cotton shirts and jeans. SHe did and they actually looked super-cute that way.

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