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Thread: News and Other Nonsense

  1. #1771
    Strangerer Rum 509's Avatar
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    And then there's

    The King of the Ferret Leggers

    What kind of person sticks a ferret down his pants for more than five consecutive hours? Our writer tried to find out.

    Mr. Reg Mellor, the "king of ferret legging," paced across his tiny Yorkshire miner's cottage as he explained the rules of the English sport that he has come to dominate rather late in life. "Ay lad," said the 72-year-old champion, "no jockstraps allowed. No underpants—nothin' whatever. And it's no good with tight trousers, mind ye. Little bah-stards have to be able to move around inside there from ankle to ankle."

    Some 11 years ago I first heard of the strange pastime called ferret legging, and for a decade since then I have sought a publication possessed of sufficient intelligence and vision to allow me to travel to northern England in search of the fabled players of the game.

  2. #1772
    Loves ponies. Hates phonies. Regina Phalange's Avatar
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    I don't think is quite news but it's definitely other nonsense.



    The lunch in question was shrimp fried rice which means this escalates from a misdemeanor to felony no doubt

    Case facts:
    Lunch was in fridge for less than an hour before it vanished. No shrimp smell remnants in the microwave or kitchen area. This was a professional hit no doubt

    HOLY SHIT. He’s back. He watched the tape. He knows who did it.

    So the man who’s lunch was stolen sits across from me. The person who stole his lunch sits RIGHT NEXT TO ME! She left for the day before the investigation started

    According to the video, this psychopath DIDNT EVEN EAT THE FOOD. She took it out of the fridge and threw and buried it in the trash

    Her motives remain completely unknown. In lieu of what he saw on the tape he has decided to not to press the matter anymore. I can’t say I blame him. We don’t know what this women’s fully capable of

    [19 hours later...]

    Points to clarify: he bought the shrimp fried rice around 11:30am (carry out) and put it in the fridge to chill until he takes lunch at noon. So she had exactly a 30min window of time to do what she did. There was no intention of microwaving the food

    Update: Ok so when dude watched the video with HR they asked “what do you want to do about it?” he told them he was solely interested in who did it and that he didn’t want to be responsible for someone getting fired

    After charges were dropped, HR sent a company wide email about not stealing people’s lunches. She is scheduled to arrive at work in 20min. My blood is on cocaine

    She has walked into the room. And the room is dead silent. Dead fucking silent yet there is a palpable explosive energy pulsing through everyone but her

    From the moment she walked in, I’ve just been staring at her. Watched her open her email and now she clicked on the goddamn HR email! Holy fuck strap in - here we go!

    I can’t move. I simply cannot move, anything could happen right now

    !!!! After seeing the HR email she says out loud “woah. Someone stole a lunch? Who would do something like that?” !!! I may have to run out of this room

    After she said that, shrimp guy responds “well yea it’s not ok to throw someone’s food away” we’re all about to start screaming

    This shits about to get crazier. After he says that she goes “oh it was your lunch?” BEAT she continues “well why would you go to HR about that?!”

    She has simultaneously denied her involvement AND called the guy who saved her job a snitch!!!!!!!!!

    Dude just sighed and went back to work after she said what she said. She looks frightwningly calm

    I’ll keep updating if anything else occurs but all I can say is that EVERYONE in the office from the janitor to the founder knows what she did. She now carries an invisible scarlet letter
    Office lunch drama is the WORST. Don't fuck with people's food.

  3. #1773
    no replacement for places pb's Avatar
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    ^Those two deserve eachother.

  4. #1774
    Loves ponies. Hates phonies. Regina Phalange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pb View Post
    ^Those two deserve eachother.
    Which two? Why?

  5. #1775
    I am not a loony beanstew's Avatar
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    Never sleeping again.
    Maybe for once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."

  6. #1776
    Loves ponies. Hates phonies. Regina Phalange's Avatar
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    This poor guy


  7. #1777
    Senior Member fluteoftheloon's Avatar
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    Anyone else invested in this poor raccoon's odyssey?

    Stuck on the building next door for 2 days without food or water, gets shooed off and flees up another building.

    Last edited by fluteoftheloon; 06-12-2018 at 10:53 PM.

  8. #1778
    Let them eat cheese flan Nancy's Avatar
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    He made it to the top and he's been rescued!

    Raccoon triumphs over skyscraper in a climb that captivated the internet, celebrates with cat food

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...=.6a29f15c1220

  9. #1779
    I am not a loony beanstew's Avatar
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    Lions eat 'rhino poachers' on South African game reserve
    At least two suspected rhino poachers have been mauled to death and eaten by lions on a South African game reserve, officials say.

    Rangers discovered the remains of two, possibly three, people in a lion enclosure in the Sibuya reserve, near the south-east town of Kenton-on-Sea.

    A high-powered rifle and an axe were also found.

    There has been an rise in poaching in Africa in recent years, to feed growing demand for rhino horn in parts of Asia.

    In China, Vietnam and elsewhere, rhino horn is believed to have aphrodisiac qualities.

    Sibuya reserve owner Nick Fox said in a statement on the reserve's Facebook page that the suspected poachers entered the reserve late on Sunday night or early on Monday morning.

    "They strayed into a pride of lions - it's a big pride so they didn't have too much time," Mr Fox told AFP news agency.

    "We're not sure how many there were - there's not much left of them."
    Good to see nature dishing out some karmic justice.
    Maybe for once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."

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