reasons to be childfree for you and me

[JayPeaches]

I think my Mom enjoyed motherhood. She stayed home and while I'm sure she had moments of regret, I think it made her happy. She was hilarious when I would pester her, though. Her favorite thing to say to me was, "Go amuse yourself!" Also my parents were really great about keeping an active social life despite having kids - they went on dates nearly every weekend and were always throwing parties. So maybe they were just good at the whole kids/relationship balance.

My brother? OMG. He has become positively wretched since having kids. I'd feel bad for him if he hadn't turned into such a jerk. He used to be so laid back and fun, now he's just uptight, stressed and pissed off all the time. I've noticed he's finding more and more excuses to be away from home (all related to work, which is legitimate, but I think he signs up for non-mandatory stuff). He and his wife NEVER do anything together - I think they've had a babysitter maybe 4 times in 8 years. It's not like his kids are hellions or anything, but it's obvious that he doesn't have the patience for parenthood.

[spyk_]

I think my mum would have been much happier if she'd never had me or my brother, and she's been a great parent. She's quite neuortic and shy and I get the sense that a lot of that comes from having to constantly think about other people (she also nurses the elderly for a living so she never stops being a mother in a sense). Now me and my brother have left home (for now) I can tell she's having a much better time. She just came up and visited me today; we went for lunch and did touristy things and it was great. I can see her in an alternate universe living on her own and being much more confident and loving it. I don't say that she was a great mother to be disrespectful to those with more challenging relationships with their parents, but it's just that sometimes the indicators of unhappiness are much more subtle. I can't imagine her even considering not having children, but I've always felt like I've made her something of a victim in some ways. I suppose we all have these sorts of hang ups with our parents. My father, on the other hand, has no imagination and would probably have wasted away without my mother. I cannot imagine him not being married and having children, at all.

[Kala]

These parents who admit that they'd rather not have chosen to have children - I give them kudos for their honesty but feel really sorry for their kids. Unless the parents are super great at hiding their true feelings towards their children (which I doubt), their offspring for sure are going to grow up feeling unwanted and that's a terrible thing to do to a child.

And as to "dying alone" if you don't have children - that is complete rubbish. Who's to say that a child is going to stick around and be there for their parents when they get old? Today tons of people relocate and live miles away from the home they were raised in - these folks have established their own lives outside of their parents and some rarely ever see them anymore.

[emanate]

I can see her in an alternate universe living on her own and being much more confident and loving it. I don't say that she was a great mother to be disrespectful to those with more challenging relationships with their parents, but it's just that sometimes the indicators of unhappiness are much more subtle.

I never would've thought to phrase it that way, but I can imagine my mom in that scenario too. Some elements of my own life -- my career, the places I've traveled so far, my childfree-ness -- are things that she never really got the chance to do because she was married at 19 and also has health issues that prevent her from spending large amounts of time away from home. I think some of my striving toward various things in life are encouraged by the fact that I want to do and see things she never got the chance to do or see in person.

[Tonic]

These parents who admit that they'd rather not have chosen to have children - I give them kudos for their honesty but feel really sorry for their kids. Unless the parents are super great at hiding their true feelings towards their children (which I doubt), their offspring for sure are going to grow up feeling unwanted and that's a terrible thing to do to a child.

And as to "dying alone" if you don't have children - that is complete rubbish. Who's to say that a child is going to stick around and be there for their parents when they get old? Today tons of people relocate and live miles away from the home they were raised in - these folks have established their own lives outside of their parents and some rarely ever see them anymore.

I do vacillate between loving the honesty and knowing that somehow children always pick up on these things as well. On the other end of the spectrum, I have a different friend who is very mature and cool, who has always dealt with depression, etc. She has three boys and her philosophy is that while she might fuck up many things in her life she "will not fuck up being a mother." And she doesn't! She's a really wonderful parent despite her inner-struggles.

As to the "dying alone" factor -- I've seen too many instances of children just sticking older parents in nursing homes. If dying alone is a concern, saving all the money you would've spent on raising children in order to ensure better care and surroundings in your old age seems MUCH wiser.

If I had to pinpoint my greatest fear about not having children, it would be the fear of missing out on deeper relationships that one might have with offspring. I'm an introvert and don't have a lot of faith in typical social ties. I am pretty confident that I'd provide great bonds as a parent though. I think I'm overall jaded about everything. lol... I guess that would be better served in another thread.

[inexcelsis17]

From The Oatmeal

[Mori]

^Most accurate depiction of what it's like to have kids. Shit and puke. all day. Everywhere.

[Zach]

[Nancy]

[dAmION]

I think they're too many people on the planet and the vast majority of people with kids simply do not know how to take care of them. Also I think that you basically put your life on the back-burner for children and that's something I just don't want to do. Also I think of the majority of children as life-sucking brats who need endless amounts of attention to be assuaged. So, no kids for me.

[soignee]

Nothing like two trips to Ikea over the weekend to make you realize how great childfree is. For fuck's sake you know your kid is being a little shit and throwing things around in the light area, I see you lady, ignoring him.


PS: FOR FUCK'S SAKE THERE IS A FREE CRECHE AND CHILDCARE SERVICE GO THROW YOUR CHILDREN AT THAT AND LET ME ARGUE WITH MY PARTNER OVER CHAIRS IN PEACE

[iamstilljamiepoo]

I live across the street from a park. When I moved I thought, 'Oh, what a lovely park.' I did not think this through. The music nights in the park are great; the middle of the afternoon with this one random screaming neighborhood child isn't go great. I can't stand that kid.