right. it's not enough that a baby burst through a hole in your body, but now you have infected breasts?? no, no, no, no, no.
I don't understand... "Yay! You just shoved a series of large grapefruits through your lady bits! Now get ready for a asshole full of burning hemroids, bacteria infested tits, sagging skin, dislocated hips, and uncontrollable depression... Oh, and you won't get a normal healthy nights sleep for the next 6 years. Congrats!"
How is this a good thing?!
You don't have to do everything all by yourself.
It's common that bad news emerge more and stick in our minds, so we don't count the huge number of women who gave birth happily without troubles of any kind.
For most women pregnancy, giving birth and nurturing a child is a great thing. Obviously for those like us who don't give a damn about it, infections, hemroids, depression and other possible (not necessarily usual) problems just add to the fact that we don't feel that need. That doesn't make it a bad thing in an absolute way.
As far as I know, for example, my mother never had any problem nor with me or with my sister and she had with both of us all the sleep she needed. I could be blessed by a genetic set of trouble-less motherhood but this isn't going to change my mind.
Is it right, butterfly, they like you better framed and dried?
Well, I know that these things are "common" but it still doesn't change the fact that gross things happen more often than not for women who choose to have a baby. I have horror stories from all my child-bearing friends (and my mother). As far as I know, any woman who says they got "plenty of sleep" with a new born is either fibbing or they had a great nanny... even my mother, who kicks fucking ass, says this... but *shrug* either way... childbirth is gross.
You don't have to do everything all by yourself.
this was a mommyblog misery loves company lol post. But, I don't think it's hyperbole.....
I had dinner with my sister and a friend on Friday night, and we talked a lot about having kids. We're all in our early 30's, but with quite different situations. My sister is married and currently trying to decide whether to pay for IVF since she has a medical condition that makes it hard to conceive; she wants to have kids but accepts that if she doesn't, its not the end of the world. My friend is in a long-term relationship, has no intention of getting married or having kids, but her boyfriend is from a Croatian family who put a bit of pressure on her to do the marriage and kids thing. I'm single and staunchly childfree.
So we had a long conversation about the reasons not to have kids and the comments we get from people about not having/not wanting kids. It was so interesting. We all had different reasons and ideas about non-motherhood, but mostly they revolved around happiness and not wanting to have to rely on the default options for women (be a mother; be a career woman; be a super woman who has both things) when there are plenty of pathways to choose from which don't necessarily involve either work or motherhood.
Anyway, then today I read this snippet from an article with Cameron Diaz who is childfree, and I thought she made some nice points which echoed the ones we talked about.
I liked the bolded parts especially because I resent the idea that people without kids have it easy. Sure, it may be easier but that doesn't mean life is all unicorns and kittens and disposable income.It's so much more work to have children. To have lives besides your own that you are responsible for -- I didn't take that on. That did make things easier for me. A baby -- that's all day, every day for eighteen years. Not having a baby might really make things easier, but that doesn't make it an easy decision. I like protecting people, but I was never drawn to being a mother. I have it much easier than any of them. That's just what it is. Doesn't mean life isn't sometimes hard. I'm just what I am. I work on what I am. Right now, I think, things are good for me. I've done a lot. And I don't care anymore.
Last edited by CC; 09-08-2014 at 08:24 AM.
I think I've mentioned my friend on here a few times. Paid thousands of dollars for IVF. I was supportive through that. She went on and on incessantly about wanting a baby for years and years. I listened.
So, the IVF worked on the first try. Then she had twins. They were ten weeks early. I hung out with her in the NICU a few times, gave her rides and such when she couldn't drive. I've only visited her once since the babies have been home. I just..tiny babies freak me the fuck out. That, and I've had some health issues.
I had a partial hysterectomy three years ago and the problems that caused that persisted, so three weeks ago I had the rest of the lady bits removed. It's been difficult, just because there was some bowel stuff going on too. And hormones! Whew! I had made peace with the no babies for Jamie thing and in the end was pretty damn thankful I never had the chance because ick. Just not me. Doesn't stop people from giving me the head tilt sympathy look, but whatever.
The last week or so I'd been feeling guilty for not talking to the above-mentioned friend. That and some ppl freak when you call after they've had babies since they might be sleeping and heaven forbid you wake a baby. I finally call. The first thing she says to me after pleasantries are exchanged: "Man, this baby thing is hard. I wish I'd had a hysterectomy and you'd had twins."
That is fucking shitty on so many levels. I don't even. I may not know what it's like to have had twins or what work that entails, but she doesn't have a fucking clue what this is like, either.
^ That is self-absorbed, thoughtless, and downright cruel.
I have this friend who was bound and determined to have kids despite fertility issues. She did everything and spent huge amounts of money. Adoption was not what she wanted. She wanted them to have her DNA. Years and years of "trying" and she had twins. They're presently 5 years old.
She now says, with no hyperbole, that she would reverse her decision if she could and go childless. Since we're now thinking of adoption, she constantly tells us how awful having kids is and what a mistake it would be. Honestly, her latest comment (I'll try to quote as closely as I can remember): "You know that feeling that people tell you about how wonderful parenting is and how there are times with the children that make it all worth it? Well, about 90% of the time it's sheer hell, 5% of the time it's really bad, 3% of the time it's not fun but you can handle it, 1.5% of the time it's okay and .5% of the time it's wonderful, funny and all worth it. If I'm exaggerating, it's only by giving the all worth it percentage a greater number than it really has."
I don't think it's uncommon for parents to feel that way, I think it's very rare that they will admit it to anyone but themselves though.
That sort of honesty is refreshing.
The more time goes on, the more I realize that I would probably resent the shit out of being a parent.
I remember spending a session with my therapist talking about my feelings on having kids (I'm on the fence - I want them, then I don't, then I do, then I don't) and I said something like, "Well I guess if I do have kids I would never regret it," and her response was to roll her eyes and say, "Are you kidding me? I have multiple people sitting in front of me EVERY DAY that regret having kids." So, yeah. They might not admit it to most people, or even to themselves, but plenty of people regret having children.
I also remember a friend of mine telling me something similar to what Tonic said, that, "Having kids is 99% shit and 1% good." Yikes!
Last edited by JayPeaches; 09-30-2014 at 07:00 PM.