Depression/Anxiety

[emanate]

After some time, I told her that I don't feel understood by her - an old issue between us.
Then she accused me of not telling her before, demanding examples.
Under tears, I did give her some current ones - she said, she never said these things, I misunderstood, misinterpreted etc. that it wasn't true.
That she always has best intentions and I take everything she says too literally etc.

That sounds like classic gaslighting behavior on your mother's part. You do not deserve to be treated that way, and you made a good decision to leave the situation when you did. I hope you can find some comfort in days to come in knowing that you did what you could to take care of yourself by leaving and refusing to listen to any more of that treatment from your mother.

[grapefruit_is_winning]

Ughhhhhh clothes shopping after gaining a ton of weight over the course of a couple incredibly stressful work years. Between the weight gain, the clothes shopping experience, and the imminent return to work following a holiday break (back on an airplane Tuesday morning), I'm like, kill me please.

Just venting here. I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed by my problems, or more accurately by my apparent inability to solve them. I feel so frustrated with, ashamed by, and disappointed in myself. Please please please let 2018 be a much better year than 2017.

[BrotherNamedErised]

Just venting here. I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed by my problems, or more accurately by my apparent inability to solve them. I feel so frustrated with, ashamed by, and disappointed in myself. Please please please let 2018 be a much better year than 2017.

I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through a rough patch. All I can say is that change takes time. I get that it may not be what you want to hear right now, but it's true: Patience is the only way to go about these things. It's a major step forward that you've identified the things in your life that are making you unhappy and / or uncomfortable. You have to allow yourself a little space to go about making the changes that you need to make; nothing happens overnight, but now that you know what you want you have all the time in the world to plan your course of action.

(I'm saying all of this to myself as much as I'm saying it to you. It's just the only piece of advice that is valid and true.)

[CC]

After a very distressing fight with my mother around christmas (and some very helpful comments on my "misery post" here thank you!),
I started looking for some self-help books and I thought some of them might be interesting to people here as well.

My mother's behaviour had some aspects of a narcisstic parent, yet all the material I found on that did not reflect my experience very well.
I found the concept of "immature parents" much more suitable for my situation. It is more about emotionally self-absorbed people in general.
Their behaviour is not toxic in the same way as of a fully evolved narcissist, I would say.

Lindsay C. Gibson: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents.
I was shocked to find my life experiences described in there - it was a relief as well. It helps to understand more, how an emotional
immature person functions and how you can get to manage the situation as an adult.

In addition to this, I found this one
Susan Forward: Mothers who cant love to be even more helpful concerning exercises.
It is focused on mother-daughter-relationships, though.
It depicts 5 types of mothers (narcisstic, enmeshed, controlling, neglecting and in need of mothering),
so it is a bit more differentiated than the Gibson book.

[entropy]

Lindsay C. Gibson: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents.
I was shocked to find my life experiences described in there - it was a relief as well. It helps to understand more, how an emotional
immature person functions and how you can get to manage the situation as an adult.
.

I got this book about six months ago! It's been extremely helpful!!!

[BrotherNamedErised]

I think I've been frozen for a while now. I can't seem to move ahead with my life in any substantial way. There's been a lot of trauma, and a lot of turmoil coming my way in recent months, and it feels like I'm holding my breath rather than actively pursuing my options. I just feel raw. Even when good things happen, I'm incapable of receiving them and seeing them for what they are. I am so afraid and it still feels like my heart is completely shattered. I realise that what I need to do is go through the motions until something sticks, but I've grown so impatient with myself. Every day I can hear myself screaming to "snap out of it" and every day I feel a little less likely to do so.

[CC]

I am so sorry that you are struggeling like this!
It is so difficult to be patient in phases like these.

Someone else wrote this on another forum: My heart is a renewable raw material.
I hope your shattered heart will grow back to its full bloom soon!