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Thread: Depression/Anxiety

  1. #1111
    Luckiest SweetPea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JayPeaches View Post
    my boss is wreaking havoc on my mental health. I've quit hiding it and just let my anxiety fly in front of her. so when she shows up in a shit mood and treats everyone like shit, I ask her, "did I do something? Are you mad at me? You just seem really upset with me." I mean, fuck it, I'm tired of getting shit on because she didn't like the number in the scale that morning. I know she's shitting on us because she's mad at the world, but it still makes me fucking paranoid. Anyway. It's been effective and I've noticed she'll try To be more encouraging and less moody.

    Unfortunately it's too late and I don't give a fuck. like AT ALL. But the thought of another job doing the same thing? NOPE. I feel so stuck. Even with a career change (which I want), I'm still looking at at least two more years of this. Ugh. I've called in sick twice in the last two weeks just because I couldn't deal. I haven't had a sick day in years.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kari View Post
    I hear you lady. I have one of those. It's demoralizing and awful.
    Ladies,

    I am so sorry you've got to deal with that JP. I wish I was as brave as you in your willingness to let it show to your boss. My boss can barely deal with a client who doesn't agree with him. I'm afraid that if I let my anxiety show and push back he won't take it well. And the worst part is that I kind of did let it show a bit the other day AND IT DIDN'T MAKE ONE DAMN BIT OF DIFFERENCE! He just walked off. Didn't say a damn thing. I keep fantasizing about getting a new job but the very thought of going through the whole process freaks me out. I've been in this job for almost 10 years!
    You don't have to do everything all by yourself.

  2. #1112
    i sail my ship on dry land Pirates, yeah!'s Avatar
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    I am not depressed! It's been six years since I've been able to say that, and I'm so happy to say it again now. Just wanted to post this to give some hope that recovery is possible. There were times when I really did not believe I would ever not be depressed again, but here I am. I am getting better at accepting that depression/mania/mood problems will probably always be in my life, and I need to relish times when I am well. I will probably continue to have depressive episodes, with times of reprieve. I think I'm OK with that. I've gotten a lot better at recognising the signs of depression (or mania) setting in and getting help early.

    There is hope, stable mood is achievable

  3. #1113
    Senior Member tolotti_'s Avatar
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    Hey guys, I'm new in this forum and it's nice to see this corner here.

    I'm 25 yo and suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and depression. Actually, it all started with a period of acute insomnia that left me like, 50 hours awake. Since then I've developed a tremendous FEAR of going to sleep, which made me anxious and this anxiety started to grow to all the other areas of my life. I went to my psychiatrist two years ago and now I can say that my anxiety is kinda fine. I still DREAD sleep time, and my brain does all kind of calculation like "I slept 6 hours today, if I go to bed at 1am I'll have X hours of sleep if I can sleep at 2 am at least, and by 2 am I've been awake for 18 hours, which is almost 24 hours". It's tiresome. And beginning last year, depression started (which in some way contributed to low my anxiety - because of the apathy).

    I work but I'm not happy here, my boss is very obnoxious - I called in sick two times already, and I work here for three months. I'm doing a masters in art history and it's going well, but sometimes I feel lost. I have a nice and caring bf, but sometimes I can lash out on him and then I feel so guilty. As the saying goes, why we hurt the ones who love us most? If somebody - anybody - could see my life from afar, they would say that there's nothing wrong with it, but that's just not true. My friends are getting more distant, and I can't blame them. I dread social events, and missed a couple of birthdays parties of my dearest friends. And sometimes I'm at work and I do nothing. I just go "what the hell - fire me", like I don't care. I need the job but I don't want it, it makes me miserable, because I'm miserable.

    I take 5 meds everyday and they help me, but it's a struggle. My family is super religious, fanatic catholics so for them it's just lack of God. I have my spirituality, but not like them. Anyway, it was good to talk here. I feel more relieved now.
    (yesterday I barely slept, and it makes me so nervous about going to sleep today)

  4. #1114
    Militia of the Mind toriMODE's Avatar
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    Have you tried Lunesta or Ambien?

  5. #1115
    Senior Member tolotti_'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toriMODE View Post
    Have you tried Lunesta or Ambien?
    Yep, one of the meds I take is Ambien (well, not exactly Ambien since it's not available in Brazil, but it's called Stilnox and it's zolpidem, the same). Most of the days I sleep decently, the thought of going to sleep is the worst thing.

  6. #1116
    Senior Member eresos's Avatar
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    Racing thoughts at night are rough

    Been leaning on low dose of Xanax when it's really bad but try not to use it frequently
    It really helps
    "this way, that way, i am of two minds" -sappho
    http://classicpersuasion.org/pw/sappho/index.htm

  7. #1117
    So, without getting bogged down by the details, I've had a pretty rough summer. There were some major professional setbacks, and then a series of terrible losses - many dear friends and relatives have passed away and several others are dealing with significant health problems. It's left both me and my family more than a little rattled, and possibly the worst part has been its impact on my mother, who is the strongest person I know, and completely heartbroken at the moment.

    Recently I had some good news in that I was offered two gigs (I'm an actor), which pay next to nothing, but could prove to be decent opportunities for more exposure and maybe lead to better work in the future. I have to choose between the two, and for whatever reason, it has completely destroyed me emotionally. Because of how bad things have been, I keep picturing the worst case scenario for either option, which completely incapacitates me and prevents me from making an informed decision. Furthermore, the idea of turning down either offer just paralyses me. I'm deathly afraid of making the wrong call, and of having yet another promising thing blow up in my face, and it's just left me in a state of limbo. I'm having regular anxiety attacks, and can't seem to choose without experiencing immediate pangs of regret. Do you guys have any tips on clearing one's head?

  8. #1118
    Senior Member eresos's Avatar
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    Oh gosh. Today was a rough one
    Getting back to work this week & anxious since I didn't make it to therapy yet
    Getting through but feel like taking a moment here to share
    Bc I even felt so socially anxious that everything I said and did was off and just full self awareness acceptance without a good professional to guide me through has been getting me nowhere
    I just feel like tired of trying to pretend I'm normal adult when I've always been atypical
    I've not thrived as much as I could
    Not fully alive
    "this way, that way, i am of two minds" -sappho
    http://classicpersuasion.org/pw/sappho/index.htm

  9. #1119
    Sleeps to dream entropy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BrotherNamedErised View Post
    I'm having regular anxiety attacks, and can't seem to choose without experiencing immediate pangs of regret. Do you guys have any tips on clearing one's head?
    When my head gets really noisy, I try to picture a blank white piece of printer paper. I fixate on my mental image of that paper. It has helped me calm my mind a bit and lead into some mediation which I really suck at!

  10. #1120
    Sleeps to dream entropy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by eresos View Post
    I just feel like tired of trying to pretend I'm normal adult when I've always been atypical
    I've not thrived as much as I could
    Not fully alive
    I identify with this so much!

    I try to remember that I don't live inside the mind or bodies of anyone else. Who knows what kind of anxiety or thoughts the other person is having. They might just be better at playing it off.

    Be kind to yourself.

  11. #1121
    Hey everyone. So, I was headed to work today, already quite stressed, and I received a message of some relatively bad news and had a complete breakdown in the middle of the street. I'm back home now, trying to feel better, but it's all just too much - I feel really, really overwhelmed at the moment. The worst part is that I'm currently living with my parents, and they really can't handle it when I'm in a bad place. They mean well, but they get completely panicky and that always seems to involve some conversation about how selfish I'm being, and how I should just "snap out of it". I do agree with part of what they're saying, I just wish that someone would understand that when it's bad, it's just bad. I can't magically make myself well as desperately as I wish I could right now.

  12. #1122
    Senior Member CC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BrotherNamedErised View Post
    Hey everyone. So, I was headed to work today, already quite stressed, and I received a message of some relatively bad news and had a complete breakdown in the middle of the street. I'm back home now, trying to feel better, but it's all just too much - I feel really, really overwhelmed at the moment. The worst part is that I'm currently living with my parents, and they really can't handle it when I'm in a bad place. They mean well, but they get completely panicky and that always seems to involve some conversation about how selfish I'm being, and how I should just "snap out of it". I do agree with part of what they're saying, I just wish that someone would understand that when it's bad, it's just bad. I can't magically make myself well as desperately as I wish I could right now.
    I am so sorry you are in such a difficult place right now!
    And it sounds that your parents are unable to cope with your situation(s) - BUT: you are not selfish! Not at all!
    It is so so difficult to get out of such bad states and I think you made a good choice not to go to work but home to look after yourself.

    I don' know if you have heard of this author, her writing helps me sometimes when i am down and feel hurt by other people who expect me to cheer up an function properly:
    https://www.instagram.com/najwazebian/
    I don't know if her writings resonate with your pain.
    But I hope you can be gentle with yourself, especially in these dark times when others don't understand what you are going through.

    A couple of days ago, I realized that I could not remember any happy moments of my life when I was in a depressed state.
    The first moment I felt a little bit better, I created a happiness box: I bought a pretty box at a store and started to write down little remembrances I had, fragments of happy moments to collect them in that box.
    Initially, just 2 or 3 memories popped up in my mind...but then, over the days, many more came. So now, when I am so low that I think I won't ever be happy again, I get me my little box and it is not making depression going away but it gives me hope. And this makes a huge difference to me.
    But: don't know if that is of any help to you.
    Last edited by CC; 09-29-2017 at 09:00 PM.

  13. #1123
    Sleeps to dream entropy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CC View Post
    A couple of days ago, I realized that I could not remember any happy moments of my life when I was in a depressed state.
    The first moment I felt a little bit better, I created a happiness box: I bought a pretty box at a store and started to write down little remembrances I had, fragments of happy moments to collect them in that box.
    Initially, just 2 or 3 memories popped up in my mind...but then, over the days, many more came. So now, when I am so low that I think I won't ever be happy again, I get me my little box and it is not making depression going away but it gives me hope. And this makes a huge difference to me.
    But: don't know if that is of any help to you.
    This is such a wonderful idea!

  14. #1124
    By the methane lakes Bloody Grace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BrotherNamedErised View Post
    So, without getting bogged down by the details, I've had a pretty rough summer. There were some major professional setbacks, and then a series of terrible losses - many dear friends and relatives have passed away and several others are dealing with significant health problems. It's left both me and my family more than a little rattled, and possibly the worst part has been its impact on my mother, who is the strongest person I know, and completely heartbroken at the moment.

    Recently I had some good news in that I was offered two gigs (I'm an actor), which pay next to nothing, but could prove to be decent opportunities for more exposure and maybe lead to better work in the future. I have to choose between the two, and for whatever reason, it has completely destroyed me emotionally. Because of how bad things have been, I keep picturing the worst case scenario for either option, which completely incapacitates me and prevents me from making an informed decision. Furthermore, the idea of turning down either offer just paralyses me. I'm deathly afraid of making the wrong call, and of having yet another promising thing blow up in my face, and it's just left me in a state of limbo. I'm having regular anxiety attacks, and can't seem to choose without experiencing immediate pangs of regret. Do you guys have any tips on clearing one's head?
    Hi, I don't know if my advice can be of any help, but I can try.
    For work reasons I have some friends who are actors and I'm beginning to understand their world a bit. Do you think that trying to put your feelings in a play would be too difficult? I think that kind of catharsis can be so helpful psychologically speaking. I also try to avoid depression by writing (I have never experienced it but I'm prone to it because of fibromyalgia) or expressing my repressed feelings through art. I see some of my actor friends have been able to deal with bad traumas this way.
    My website! LOOK, ART!1
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