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Thread: Depression/Anxiety

  1. #316
    Luckiest SweetPea's Avatar
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    *you must spread some reputation around before giving it to entropy again*

    Thank you I get worried because he used to be so good about remembering things... but I guess with all the crazy shit going down in the Elk Grove School District (California) and such, I shouldn't be surprised that he's a bit sidetracked. *shrug*

    We'll have been together 7 years this Friday... feels longer.
    You don't have to do everything all by yourself.

  2. #317
    Sleeps to dream entropy's Avatar
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    Ahhhh! Congratulations!

    I hope the two of you enjoy your get away!

  3. #318
    Senior Member eresos's Avatar
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    glad it all worked out and also that you were able to get things out in typing them out...getting things out is a GOOD thing
    "this way, that way, i am of two minds" -sappho
    http://classicpersuasion.org/pw/sappho/index.htm

  4. #319
    Sleeps to dream entropy's Avatar
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    I'm moving on!

  5. #320
    Senior Member eresos's Avatar
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    muscle weighs more than fat. i've been there. I just lost a tremendous amount of weight...but felt trapped in the largest weight gain i ever had. the weight came on so quickly and i could not control it. depression. stress. chonic pain all played a role.
    It took a lot of focus and as I too am approaching 40, feel like this time around I had to approach weight loss different than before. I've gone up and down so many times but could always just run it off and do the low fat thing. this time i had to really cut down on carb, eat a LOT of protein & fiber. I also did more weights and attempted to build muscle and trim my inches rather than lose pounds. If I can do it, you can!!!!

    I am feeling major blues lately though. I think it is time to go to the boardwalk and get some positive endophins and ocean ions in me.
    didn't get the job i interviewed for and unemployment is running out. and I had a Fibromyalgia flare up yesterday and overslept the entire day, missed my session for my part time job. makes the unemployment running out thing seem even more daunting when I am low energy and low mood.

    but bjork will be on colbert tonight - whoo hoo!!!
    "this way, that way, i am of two minds" -sappho
    http://classicpersuasion.org/pw/sappho/index.htm

  6. #321
    Risking flaming, which I mostly doubt, I would like to come out of the woodwork to admit my severe depression. I suppose I could write an essay on how long this has been going on for, and for how wrongly I've been going about quelling it. I will say this, though, if you feel you are depressed, do something about it. Seek help. Waiting (hoping) and trying to rationalize (cure) it by yourself is probably the least effective way to go about it. My depression has been a part of my life since I was in grade school. I am almost 3 decades behind in doing the right thing for it by seeking help, and if that help does not work, seeking further help. As a person suffering from severe depression I know my biggest mistake has been thinking that I can face this, rectify this, by myself. And don't rely on loved ones to steer you in the right direction. Rationalizing during deep depression will more than likely yield you false positives as you believe you are working towards a solution. Although this may be more doable for some, I'm sure it's more of a fatal move for others, myself included.

    To keep this long story short, I am going to make another appointment with my Dr. and tell him everything. My triggers and how I have been trying to process this in my head. To the ones I love, I am deeply sorry for the burden I have put on you. But instead of reminiscing and regretting, which would only make things more difficult, the goal has to be set and acted upon. Not just talked about and sorta trying. If you suffer from depression make healing it one of the largest primary goals of your life. I have not. But by my admission I am trying to take it that step further. Starting this year (now) doing my best to conquer this mental disorder is of the utmost priority.

    I've been here before. I can't be here again.


    Stay strong.
    Last edited by Dave; 02-02-2012 at 02:21 AM.

  7. #322
    Senior Member eresos's Avatar
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    beautiful post, Dave.

    Stay strong.

    you openess and honesty inspire me!!! I think you hit it on the nail. we can not do it alone. burden you are not.
    "this way, that way, i am of two minds" -sappho
    http://classicpersuasion.org/pw/sappho/index.htm

  8. #323
    proud saab owner Gale's Avatar
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    I second what eresos said. Thank you for posting, Dave.

    I don't post too often on this thread, because I'm in this constant war with myself and have not sought treatment. There's a part of me that thinks that nothing is wrong with me. I remember a couple of years ago when I was taking classes at the local community college, I saw some of my old classmates from high school and viewed them in a different light. I thought they would do the same thing with me, and it was such a relief to even think that I could start anew in a different school setting and leave that depressed and nervous girl behind. I was wrong. These classmates still thought of me as the same person and didn't see my depression and anxiety as real problems. They saw it as a simple attitude problem, and I felt small and stupid all over agin. You think I like to be anxious all the time? You think I force myself to be suicidal? What I feared was confirmed and from then on, I put on an act to be happy and not show everyone I was sad. In some ways, it helped me regain a little positivity from those around me, but at the same time, I started losing my identity as I built up a wall around me. The people I once tried to impress have since left my small town and grew up. Me, not so much.
    These days, it's getting harder to be happy, and it's not going to get better unless I take the appropriate steps. There's a lot that's holding me back still, and I'm still keeping my issues under wraps from everyone around me. I've been in an isolated state since high school ended, and to be honest, I have no friends in my town. It's hard to gain trust and understanding from others, you know?
    It's an ongoing process, but reading this board has helped me feel like I'm not alone, and I appreciate everyone for sharing their thoughts on depression/anxiety.
    Last edited by Gale; 02-02-2012 at 09:02 PM.

  9. #324
    Thanks, you two. I went to the Dr. earlier this afternoon, and based on what I told him he ordered more blood work. I will get the test results tomorrow. He is going to try a different anti-depressant and a med for thyroid, as well. After he mentioned the thyroid I told him that my mom has had major problems with hers. He said that could definitely be one of the major reasons for my tiredness, besides being depressed. I'm already on blood pressure and cholesterol meds, so these would make 4.

    SleepySweet... I feel ya. Please, though, do yourself a favor and go see a Dr. about it. Meds can help, so long as you find the one that works best for you. Don't give up on the medication process, either. If one doesn't work or makes things worse, stop taking it and go see the Dr. again and explain. Have you tried seeing a therapist? They can help in certain ways, but it's my own experience that a certain amount of depression is due to chemical imbalances and I don't really feel a therapist can change your chemical imbalance. BUT, don't rule it out, it could be all you need. Yeah, certain things happened to me when I was younger, and I've always been very impressionable, but for as long as I can remember I've been introverted and self-loathing, not all of which was due to my peers. I believe I was born with it, which is why, for me, medication is the most applicable way to deal with it. The more time you deny getting help, the worse it can become, or at least the more you "deal" with it and it will continue to affect your life in numerous ways. My severe depression has lasted for decades without much help and has only gotten worse due to my just dealing with it and convincing myself that I can (deal with it), that I can suppress it mentally. And like I said, you are only finding false positives which is proven by the returning depression. It never actually goes away because most of it is locked deep within you, all you may have been doing is muffling it.

    Depression can instigate wrong feelings/emotions as far as food consumption, sexual desires, tiredness, anxiety... just to name a few. A lot of us deal with it by briefly fulfilling a desire, such as eating things that aren't healthy for you. We all know that junk food temporarily soothes you, even thinking about it, just in the wrong way. So, instead of using crutches, get yourself actually mended.

    I'm trying and I feel a little better already because I know I'm trying. I think one of the things with me is the way I've been not keeping up with the healing process. Once you start it, don't stop, or you'll just retrace your steps over and over again. And I'm also trying to not be so impressionable and querulous about everything around me. I used to have a big problem with thinking people around me were always "talking shit" about me. I proved that wrong on several occasions, however, and other times I think I was probably right. But you know what? Fuck 'em. They have their own problems. Deal with my own.

    Don't get stuck inside your own head.
    Last edited by Dave; 02-02-2012 at 09:14 PM.

  10. #325
    waited with a glacier's patience Churumbela's Avatar
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    Dave, that was a really great post and I'm so glad to hear you are seeking some help. And if anyone flames you or gives you any kind of shit for that, you direct them to me.
    I am the beginning. The end. The one that is many.

  11. #326
    Sleeps to dream entropy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dave View Post
    Don't get stuck inside your own head.
    Nicely stated!

  12. #327
    Thanks, Erin. I think the only reason why I mentioned flaming is just due to the whole insecurity thing. I really don't believe anyone would flame me, though. People here are more intelligent, than not.

    Has anyone ever been put on Mirtazapine (generic for Remeron)? I fucking hated it. For me, it either would do absolutely nothing or made me feel worse, which I know some meds do. I'm curious as to what I'll be prescribed this time.

    Thanks for the support. I will try to visit this part of the forum more often to see how everyone is doing. And update my own status.

  13. #328
    Senior Member eresos's Avatar
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    sleepysweet - hang in there!!! I think there are some people- a lot of people- that have a hard time understanding things that are outside of their own experiences and cannot even begin to imagine that we are all equipt with different abilities and challenges. these people are dumb. and these people don't matter. those who matter, don't mind, and those who mind, don't matter. I know rationally easier to believe than emotionally. but remind yourself that it doesn't matter what they think of you b/c they offer no value for you in your life. and there are others who do understand, appreciate, and accept you for who you are. you don't need those stupid people from your HS.

    dave - i totally get the whole "don't flame me" bit too. insecurities run like wild within me and I find myself having similar thoughts all the time even though I know they make not much rational sense.

    also I REALLY enjoyed your posts - they offer so much insight and help me think of what I am dealing with too, so Please stick around and post often and you articulate a lot of what I am a bet others here are experiences. As for the remeron - never heard of it. hope you get the right sort of medication this time around.

    oh which reminds me - i saw an article yesterday - maybe it was on my fb newsfeed from npr? - about a new treatment for depression that sounded interesting.
    lemme go see and share...hold on

    http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012...toughest-cases
    "this way, that way, i am of two minds" -sappho
    http://classicpersuasion.org/pw/sappho/index.htm

  14. #329
    Crow Winger Bruce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dave View Post
    Has anyone ever been put on Mirtazapine (generic for Remeron)? I fucking hated it. For me, it either would do absolutely nothing or made me feel worse, which I know some meds do.
    I'm currently on it and have been for about a month now. As a life-long sufferer of anxiety and depression I managed to make it from ages 19 thru 30 without any meds, but have recently hit a slump of intense anxiety and depression so intense I haven't been able to get through it on my own. I went nearly 12 days without sleep and had completely lost my appetite, so when I was put on Remeron the mere fact that it enabled me to sleep and eat again made me feel more human. The first two weeks I didn't feel much of a change, I just felt sluggish and lethargic, at times even more depressed and confused. It was also frustrating that I packed on about 8 pounds once on Remeron considering I had recently lost about 35 pounds. Having said all of that, I'm feeling more balanced on Remeron now. I've given up drinking for the time being as it contributes to anxiety and depression, am working out about 6 days a week, and have been logging my progress every day and giving myself daily goals to keep my mind on a positive track. I'm also in therapy which is helping. The fucked up thing is, I still don't feel great or even really like me completely. It's been so long since I've been on any kind of med I'm not sure if it's the Remeron or just my current mental state, but I feel apathetic and uninspired, and for a creatively driven person, that's kind of the worst way to feel. So while the Remeron is keeping my balanced and sleeping and eating properly and I can function on it, I'm not really sure it's assisting much with the depression, or maybe I'm just expecting a miracle? Sorry for the rant, not sure if any of this helps, I guess I'm just looking for answers via grasping at straws right now.

  15. #330
    Bruce, maybe you need a slightly heftier dose? As I'm sure you know, your body can get less susceptible to it as you begin to get slightly immune to the dosage. I'm really not sure. It sounds as though you are trying, and I commend you for that
    Last edited by Dave; 02-03-2012 at 07:13 PM.

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