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Thread: Depression/Anxiety

  1. #976
    worth a million in prizes .chris's Avatar
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    It has done wonders for me! I can never turn my brain off right before sleep and this helps relax me to fall asleep. I only use it once or twice a week as a kind of reset if my insomnia starts up.

  2. #977
    :: dutch oven :: wout's Avatar
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    Chris, that's a coincidence; my doctor gave me 5 temazepams but I didn't dare to take them because the leaflet said to be careful when your breathing was compromised. Which I figuree mine was so I didn't have the guts to take one.
    I did get some oxazepam, which I did take twice, but on both nights I got nightmarish feverdreams. Not sure wether that's because of my surgery or influenced by the oxazepam (which i have had taken before, without those side effects).

    If tonight is bad, I might try the temazepam! Good and comforting to hear it works for you (hope you are doing okay as well). My nose has cleared a lot after last night so I think continuous sleep will be easier tonight. Today already feels like a turning point. I have some more energy, can even watch tv without my eyes burning, can breathe more through my nose. Even though the pain can sometimes be a bitch, I feel the worst is now behind me. Thanks for all the advice and kind words!!!

    I do realise now though that most of my anxiety is based on getting/being ill and consequently losing control of my body (especially when not at or near home). When this over and done with, it is probably worth checking out.
    post28!

  3. #978
    :: dutch oven :: wout's Avatar
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    So, update
    Temazepam sadly didn't stop me from waking up after 3 hours and I wasn't able to resume my sleep after. That left me rather groggy and fuzzy for a full day so that didn't really work out. Spoke to my doctor today and he suggested trying oxazepam again but only half to reduce the 'narcotic' effect a bit. Gonna try that tonight.
    Besides that, and this may sound silly, I'm going to try sleeping with a little plastic tube in my mouth (big enough so I won't swallow it of course) so it will keep my mouth open.
    Whenever my mouth shuts seems to be the trigger for the jolts and the stress and the wonky breath. I tried snoozing with that earlier today and it seemed to lighten the stress a bit.

    And if this doesn't work, we're going to try a mild dosage of diazepam.
    I need to get through these days until the nose clears up, before I get into a fucked up sleep/breathing disorder.
    Last night the anxiety got so severe I passed out for a few seconds, so yeah, something is wayyyyy off.
    post28!

  4. #979
    worth a million in prizes .chris's Avatar
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    oh man, wout. Sorry this is so difficult. I hoped the Temazepam would work! Good luck.

  5. #980
    :: dutch oven :: wout's Avatar
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    Thanks, I really appreciated your input, made it much less difficult for me to take an unknown medicine. So you helped me a lot there!
    I have good hopes for tonight; during this day my nose has opened up a lot, which makes a big big difference. I took my first 1/2 oxazepam earlier today and it 'fell' and felt good so I think it will help.
    Strange huh, how you can feel anxious about taking meds to prevent anxiety.
    post28!

  6. #981
    :: dutch oven :: wout's Avatar
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    Youguys!!! I slept for almost 5 hours!!! I only woke up because my nose was all plugged up, so I'll take this as a major win.
    post28!

  7. #982
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    Quote Originally Posted by wout View Post
    Youguys!!! I slept for almost 5 hours!!! I only woke up because my nose was all plugged up, so I'll take this as a major win.
    Oh Wout I'm so happy for you! I hope once your nose clears up you can get a proper night of sleep.

    I had anxiety/panic so bad the other night that I laid awake until 3:00am with palpitations and a stress headache. Leaving me a zombie at work yesterday after I managed to get a few hours sleep. So, in desperation I took my melatonin chews and a benadryl last night and went to bed at 9pm, so although I got a better night of sleep I think it caused me to have crazy vivid dreams... which resulted in my almost elbowing my husband in the face when he came to say good-bye this morning. O_O and that's no good. So, looks like I'll need to call my doctor soon.
    You don't have to do everything all by yourself.

  8. #983
    worth a million in prizes .chris's Avatar
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    ^ Sorry to hear that SweetPea.

    So I'm raising up the white flag. I'm done fighting this. I've been dealing with anxiety/social anxiety for about 17 years now (ever since I graduated high school). It has been an uphill battle dealing with it. Tonight I hit a breaking point and I think I need to go on medication. I don't know if it is the combination of trying to sell our place and move, the election, my absurd commute, and work- but at this moment I don't feel like I can ride it out anymore without some sort of medication. I'm a little nervous at the prospect of going on psycotropic meds on the regular. But the alternative is unbearable right now.

    I apologize if this comes out sounding all drama, I just needed a place to vent. I plan to call to schedule an appointment tomorrow morning and I'm a little anxious (ha!) about it.

  9. #984
    A Matter Of How You See It Kala's Avatar
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    Chris - please know that you are not alone. I've suffered from anxiety and panic attacks my entire life. Finally, after being hospitalized we found a doctor who diagnosed my condition and prescribed the proper medication. There's absolutely no shame in that - so instead of spending several hours pacing the floors fixating on the worst, most unlikely scenarios I was eventually able to step back and view things more rationally with more clarity.

    SweetPea - please phone your physician! Until I was diagnosed I could not sleep more than a few fitful hours a night. Life was hell, especially when I had to get up at 6:30 am for work after being up half the night obsessing about the consequences of the most unlikely and most unimaginable situations. To this day I have NEVER told anyone but my doctor about the embarrassingly ridiculous thoughts I entertained - suffice it to say that I was convinced that almost everything I was focused on was either directly or indirectly my fault. I lost years of my life consumed by this illness and that is wrong and so so sad.

  10. #985
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    This has been the worst fucking year ever. First, my aunt passed away in late July. She was 84 and declining for the past year or so, so it wasn't unexpected, and while it was upsetting, it would have been manageable on its own.

    Then, as I mentioned in MTF, my Mum died in September. This was unexpected: she'd been battling cancer for 9 years, but she'd been fine in July, and then things progressed very very swiftly. I spent three weeks by her side in hospital / hospice, and her death has been absolutely devastating. Basically, I've had trouble eating, sleeping, I've been having panic attacks in strangest places (for example, while waiting for the check in a restaurant, or browsing books in a bookshop). Some days it's been difficult to get out of bed, and doing the laundry feels like a huge achievement. I miss her terribly. I keep remembering moments from hospital and I want to cry.

    Well, despite all this, I thought that things were getting to a marginally less bad level - and then, a few days ago, we got a call from my girlfriend's mother that my girlfriend's brother got hit by a car and died. He was 21.

    Now it feels like we are both falling apart. We sit and cry, and then cry some more. We can't believe this could have happened. It seems so cruel and pointless. He was so very very young.

    There is an additional layer of shittiness because most of my girlfriend's family, aside from her mother and one sister, don't know we are a couple (and have been one for 8 years) as she didn't want to come out to them due to their awful brand of homophobic religiousness -__- And of course I want to be with her at the funeral and so on.

    I've had bad depressive episodes in the past (including one where I basically spent three months not getting out of the house at all) and I'm afraid this is going to end in another one. And I'm just not sure I'm able to handle it all. It's too much. And I'm also afraid that more terrible things are going to happen, someone else close to us is going to die or become very ill and I can't -___- It feels like there is nothing left but crying or hiding under the covers.

  11. #986
    :: dutch oven :: wout's Avatar
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    Oh mannnnn
    I was going to post how I was doing much better (which I am) and reading all your stories just breaks my heart.
    It's hard to imagine what it must be like to have these episodes on those scales. I barely managed to keep myself together after 1 fucking week!!!
    My heart goes out to each and every one of you; sweetpea, chris, chosen, kala. I hope you get the help you need and works best for you

    And yes, do use this place to vent. It helped me a lot!

    Quote Originally Posted by .chris View Post
    I plan to call to schedule an appointment tomorrow morning and I'm a little anxious (ha!) about it.
    Isn't it weird (and fucking catch-22) how trying to deal with anxiety can make you feel anxious? I was scared taking temazepam, fearing it might make my fever dreams worse. So weird! I hope you've been able to get that appointment and that you're feeling better.


    Quote Originally Posted by Chosen View Post
    I keep remembering moments from hospital and I want to cry.
    oh gosh... Sadly I can relate. I lost my parents too early and if I have to trace my anxiety back to some specific event, it would be that. The memories, the connections your mind can make, it creeps up on you and wears you out. Everybody has probably been telling you that it will get better, which it truly does, but the problem is that it's a road you didn't want to take in the first place... If it helps, EMDR therapy really helped me here, taking the edge of certain memories that just proved to be too painful and lodged in my head. Maybe it can work for you as well?
    post28!

  12. #987
    Senior Member eresos's Avatar
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    Just want to say I've been reading your posts but don't have much to add but feel I just want you all to know I have you in my thoughts. Hoping you all find strength & courage to move on through your pain

    I am struggling with depression right now and am in a funk so coming here is helpful.
    I am not great with putting things into words & I shut down even more so when I'm down
    its nothing specific but just everything & nothing

    Just want to thank you all for sharing your experiences here is all
    "this way, that way, i am of two minds" -sappho
    http://classicpersuasion.org/pw/sappho/index.htm

  13. #988
    worth a million in prizes .chris's Avatar
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    Kala- Thank you for that. It is always nice to hear other people's stories and not feel so alone.

    Chosen- I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I'm sending some strength your way.

    Wout- I'm glad you are finally getting some relief!!!

    eresos- Stay strong!


    An update from me:
    I had my doctor's appointment this morning. I was so anxious all night, last night, thinking about it. In my crazy head I looked at the doctor's appointment as if it was some sort of court case and I had to prove my need for medication! I was a little rattled going in and the nurse asked what I was there for, before taking my blood pressure and I told her, "anxiety." My heart was racing when she took my blood pressure and she said, "No kidding!" Case closed! That was easy.

    I got a prescription for a low dosage of lexipro. My husband is actually on it for depression and it has worked wonders for him. I just took my first dose tonight. Even just getting through the initial doctor's appointment gave me a little bit of relief. I'll let you know how it goes.

  14. #989
    Luckiest SweetPea's Avatar
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    Our family dog (that was actually my sister's dog, long story) had to be put to sleep today... she was 15 and had a good long life but was quickly deteriorating in health and quality of life. I'm heartbroken. She was THE BEST DOG. I'm crying at my desk.
    I'm sharing a photo of her, just because... just spoilered for size.

    You don't have to do everything all by yourself.

  15. #990
    Senior Member eresos's Avatar
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    Oh no
    So so sorry for you
    Hugs
    "this way, that way, i am of two minds" -sappho
    http://classicpersuasion.org/pw/sappho/index.htm

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