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Thread: The entertainment industry's unstoppable bullshit machine

  1. #646
    Senior Member uncanny hats's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey View Post

    Okay, that is clear, you think people shouldn't even touch each other or perhaps say stuff hinting at sexual stuff without clearly asking "do you want us to take it in this direction?"
    I mostly refer to it as "being careful with each other." Some of this can look like, when you make it to bedroom and say, "What are you into?" I mean that's often how great sex begins, in my experience. And that's a lot easier than trying to figure out blindly what a person wants. It's also a good way to measure of whether someone is down or not, as well. "Enthusiastic yes" is what we should look for and enthusiastic yes is going to be better sex, anyway. Who wants to have sex with people who aren't enthusiastic? Apparently, some people.

  2. #647
    ancient savageries Andreas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uncanny hats View Post
    IMO it's the exact moment you act and don't have consent. At work, when I see men hit on random strangers, I ask them if they have the consent to do that. They always look at me weird, but no, you don't get to hit on random people in the library, that's gross and it's definitely intimidation, and harassment.
    Wait, how is hitting on a stranger intimidation and harassment? I agree that the library is an odd venue for hitting, and if the person persists after being rebuffed it can definitely be harassment, but is hitting on someone inherently problematic and an act that requires prior consent?

  3. #648
    Alt Universe CliqueMember Spikey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uncanny hats View Post
    I mostly refer to it as "being careful with each other." Some of this can look like, when you make it to bedroom and say, "What are you into?" I mean that's often how great sex begins, in my experience. And that's a lot easier than trying to figure out blindly what a person wants. It's also a good way to measure of whether someone is down or not, as well. "Enthusiastic yes" is what we should look for and enthusiastic yes is going to be better sex, anyway. Who wants to have sex with people who aren't enthusiastic? Apparently, some people.
    At the point you're in the bedroom asking "what are you into?" you are already in the bedroom assuming you're going to have sex, right. That would then be just to make sure that the sexual acts themselves are aligned. There has to be a point somewhere before that where you both decide you want to have sex and let the other know. For me personally that has never been verbal.

    Quote Originally Posted by Andreas View Post
    Wait, how is hitting on a stranger intimidation and harassment? I agree that the library is an odd venue for hitting, and if the person persists after being rebuffed it can definitely be harassment, but is hitting on someone inherently problematic and an act that requires prior consent?
    Something that wasn't intended as intimidation can still be intimidating to another. Especially so in a place where you wouldn't expect it. For example, in a singles bar, you are more probably more prepared for getting unwanted attention like that, and it will be that much easier to deal with it if you are prepared. May not require prior consent, but possibly just heightened awareness of the surroundings and the other person should you try? Idk.
    "Replies are a combination of nonsense, unrelated comments and inside jokes"‎

  4. #649
    Have you guys even noticed that every single woman who has been contributing to this topic is no longer doing so?

  5. #650
    Senior Member uncanny hats's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JayPeaches View Post
    Have you guys even noticed that every single woman who has been contributing to this topic is no longer doing so?
    Yes.

  6. #651
    Senior Member uncanny hats's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andreas View Post
    Wait, how is hitting on a stranger intimidation and harassment? I agree that the library is an odd venue for hitting, and if the person persists after being rebuffed it can definitely be harassment, but is hitting on someone inherently problematic and an act that requires prior consent?
    If it's unwanted, it's harassment and intimidation and the only way to know it's wanted is through consent.
    Last edited by uncanny hats; Yesterday at 03:21 PM.

  7. #652
    condemned to wires and hammers ebby's Avatar
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    I'm sorry that this thread has come to this.

    Consent isn't something to debate or find a middle ground about. I remember reading The Ethical Slut years ago, after some friends recommended it, and that has a great definition for consent that stuck with me: "an active collaboration for the benefit, well-being and pleasure of all persons concerned."

    This thread has turned into a thread that has no active collaboration from any of the women who had been previously engaging in this conversation.

    The voices of men have drowned them out, and turned them away from a topic in which women's voices are 100% vital. I'm sorry that this has happened.

    For the guys who are looking for "a middle ground", I'd recommend you go look up resources online and deepen your understanding of consent, what it really is, and why it's important (and how it can be sexy as hell... )

    * It's definitely something I had to learn about, and I had a lot of unlearning to do, and I'm blessed that I met some fantastic people over the course of my life so far who have been open and generous with their time and thoughts to help me to understand what I needed to change about what I learned as a young gay man. I'm still learning and listening, and hopefully still growing.

    Here are some to start you off:

    Teen Vogue: Consent 101 (part of the "Not Your Fault" series - every one of those articles is worth reading)

    How Men Are Trained To Think Sexual Assault Is No Big Deal or 7 Reasons So Many Guys Don’t Understand Sexual Consent

    Men Still Don't Know How Consent Works, New Study Suggests (which I doubt shocks anyone who backed away from this thread)

    There's a lot of resources out there from places like Teen Vogue, the Good Men project, and others. I've not read them all, but there's a wealth of stuff you can read up on instead of how this discussion has gone:

    - What I learned about consent from being victim and offender
    - Everyone needs consent, including your significant other
    - Coercion is not consent


    There's even resources out there to help you make sure the unlearning a lot of men have to do right now in our culture, is something that we prepare our children to avoid needing to do: This is how you teach kids about consent

    And for the gay men here:

    Gay Men Need To Start Talking About Consent | The Complexity of Consent as a Gay Man | The Difficult Truths about Gay Men and Sexual Assault


    If we want to continue to talk about the systematic and endemic harassment, abuse, and exploitation within the entertainment industry, I suggest starting a new thread.

    This one is officially shut the fuck down.

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