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Thread: Funny Things Kids Say

  1. #31
    Royal Bitchess of Snarkdom Em's Avatar
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    Kaiya came running in from outside just now: "Mom, is this a caterpillar or a maggot?" upon hearing the word "maggot," my arsehole has tried to climb up into my stomach as the rest of my body prepares to attempt the magic of shrinking as far back into the couch as possible. She opens her hand to reveal a large, fat beige caterpillar and I'm nearly dry heaving. "It's a caterpillar, take it outside." thankgodthankgodthankgod. Child has never seen a maggot and has no idea what they look like.

  2. #32
    And in the evening it's. . . Andrea's Avatar
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    ^ I would have been the same way!


    Tess was riding around the living room on her powerwheels 4-wheeler this morning. She had just previously dumped out her whole shoe basket and they were impeding progress. I got up to help and before I could get there I hear, "Get out of my way shoes! You ass! Do you understand me? Who would put shoes there????"

  3. #33
    Royal Bitchess of Snarkdom Em's Avatar
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    On the way to the store -

    Garion: Oh! My balls are in my pocket!
    Me: ........................*cries laughing*
    Garion: .... what? no, not THOSE balls...


    Getting out of the car in the parking lot -

    Garion: I see a dragonfly!
    Kaiya: Are dragonflies harmless?
    Me: yes.
    Garion: nuh uh, they'll fart in your face if you get too close to them!
    Kaiya: You're thinking of skunks.
    Garion: oh. yeah...


    Getting back in the car after shopping -

    Garion: she's breathing in my face!
    me: oh my goodness, it's the end of the world.
    Kaiya: well he called me an old lady!
    me: well maybe you are one.
    Kaiya: nuh uh, YOU are!
    Garion and Kaiya: *hysterical laughter*
    me: *blinkblink* ....heyyyyyy... ... .


    At home, throwing away their toothbrushes to replace w/ the new ones bought at the store -

    Garion: *gently lays his toothbrush in the trash*
    Kaiya: *tosses hers like a normal person*
    Garion: you act like you don't care about your toothbrush!
    Kaiya: *looks at Garion like he's just grown an eye on his forehead*

  4. #34
    Royal Bitchess of Snarkdom Em's Avatar
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    The kids playing a video game:

    Garion: Dad, you gotta tell Kaiya to stop being this guy because she keeps beating me!
    Dave: It's just like the other game where you like to be the guy with the claws and beat her all the time....
    Garion: *SMIRK*
    Dave: What?
    Garion: ....Uh, she's kicking my butt...?!


  5. #35
    Who's Deanna? SparkleMotion's Avatar
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    Per usual, my husband picked me up from work and upon seeing me, my son rolls down the window and starts yelling, "Mama! Mama!" Nothing unusual there. Until he yells that he has something to tell me. I'm thinking he's going to tell me what he had for dinner or what he and Daddy did while I was gone. But oh no. I was greeted with, "Daddy had diarrhea! For real!" I'm so glad this was later in the evening when there weren't a whole lot of people in the parking lot.

  6. #36
    If that were the case I'd feel mortified for the guy

  7. #37
    Join The Resistance Barbarella's Avatar
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    Other parents may be horrified by this, but it was funny to us.

    The other night at a restaurant, after Jack finished his food, I gave him his sippy cup. As he put it in his mouth, a few drops spilled onto his shirt. He put the cup back down, picked up his shirt and held it out to have a look at it and said "ohnogoddamit."

    Sean and I cracked up.

    I will be watching my mouth more around my little parrot.

  8. #38
    Oy With The Poodles Already!
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    hahahaha Abby does that ALL THE TIME!

  9. #39
    So I took Lucien to African lion safari on the way back from Michigan today. He kept asking if they'd be real lions there, I told him yes real ones not fake ones. To which answered" they're alive right? Not the kind that used to be and are now dead that are creepy?". No buddy they're alive and real.

    We get to the lions

    HOLYSHIT Mom! They're really alive !


    -rests forehead on steering wheel and laughs till I cry-




    Oh this isn't a said funny but last night while falling asleep, I tooted and it scared him awake. After he flailed he sat straight up gave me the death look grabbed his blanket laid down in a huff with his back to me. I just laid on the bed laughing to which he turned to give me another look.

  10. #40
    Join The Resistance Barbarella's Avatar
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  11. #41
    Senior Member toriwannabe's Avatar
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    6 yo niece today was talking about a whale she saw on TV. "it was as big as a bear...it was rooollly huge".
    Hmmm, I guess bears are bigger than whales, generally?

  12. #42
    Royal Bitchess of Snarkdom Em's Avatar
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    Garion and I were at the store earlier today. We passed by the new Halo: Reach game display at the front of the store, when Garion got excited - it's one of his and Dave's favorite games, and they play against each other [with Garion giving Dave a serious run for his money most of the time]. In the game, they have these "sticky bombs" that you throw at your opponent, and they stick, and the other person generally blows up. Anyway. Garion announces to the general public at the front of the store, "Hey, remember when dad stuck me in the butt? I bled all over the place!" I was doubled over laughing because of just how wrong that sounded.

  13. #43
    Jesus, that's just so wrong

  14. #44
    Senior Member Cairn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Em View Post
    "Hey, remember when dad stuck me in the butt? I bled all over the place!"

  15. #45
    Royal Bitchess of Snarkdom Em's Avatar
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    The kids were playing Scrabble Slam:

    Kaiya: "Toke" isn't a word.
    Garion to me: Is "toke" a word?
    Me: *snickers* uhh... ask daddy. [from his much younger days...]
    Garion: Daddy, is "toke" a word?
    Dave: *grin* uh, yep.


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