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Thread: Straight for Jesus?

  1. #1
    Senior Member Bastien's Avatar
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    Straight for Jesus?

    I have a really close friend who I found out today deleted me off FB. I don't generally care about stuff like that, so I just sent a message seeing if everything was OK and he sends me this:

    "Well I was going to tell you but I didn't want to hear your opinion about this. I was saved last Sunday, and I'm sorry but I can no longer talk to you. I realise we've been friends for years and this is about me, not you. The lifestyle you lead along with your views on religion is something I can't be around right now. I need time to figure out what God has in store for me, I hate it's taken me till now to figure out why I've been so unhappy. I know you don't agree with me, but I know the gay lifestyle is wrong from my experience with it. Anyways I hope life goes well for you, and that you might find the truth for yourself one day."

    It's taking everything I have not to send a response. I never thought I'd feel so sad over something like this... He's one of my best friends, though. So I guess that has something to do with it.

    Anyway, I saw him probably two weeks ago and he told me he had been going to church and loved it. I didn't give it any thought, he'd only been going for 3 weeks and I let him know I was happy he found something he enjoys.

    I can't believe it's only taken a few weeks of church and he believes he's meant to be straight. He knows how much I detest religion, as he mentioned, so I guess he wouldn't share having those thoughts with me. It's remarkable to me this is possible, as he has said many times "I hate topping it makes me feel like a man". I know the fact he bottomed has nothing to do with this, but still! Getting "saved" is one thing, but attempting to change your sexuality is ridiculous.

    How would you handle the situation? I have no idea what to say without coming off judgemental. I don't even know if I should respond...

  2. #2
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    I would respond with a respectful response and see if he replies back. Maybe he'll realize how stupid he is being one day, but for now if that's really what he has chosen there's really nothing you can do. If he is really not talking to you, this seems to be more important to him than a friendship with you, and there are too many accepting, sane, open-minded people in this world to be great friends with than to be wasting your time trying to rekindle a friendship with someone who doesn't respect you the same. If he replies back and seems confused, I would try talking some sense into him. If he seems set in his choices, I would move on.

  3. #3
    Hate is a lifestyle choice. Being gay is not. I'm sorry you experienced this.

  4. #4
    thundering blissful towards death stillorbiting's Avatar
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    Well I was going to tell you but I didn't want to hear your opinion about this.
    I think that tells you everything you need to know. From that sentence alone, it doesn't sound like he's open to any kind of actual dialogue with you about this. If you feel like you could still be friends with him if he snapped out of this, then maybe reply and just tell him that if he ever wants to talk to you again, the door is always open. If not, then there's really no point in replying, I think. If he ever comes around, it'll be on his own terms, not because someone convinced him.

  5. #5
    Let them eat cake! Yuki's Avatar
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    If I were you, I would cut my losses and forget about it. Why bother? The truth is, if the poles were reversed, I'd probably have done to him what he did to you. If one of my friends turned into a detestable jesus freak, they'd be deleted from my feed and my life, no questions asked.

    ETA: I mean, this kind of blind-faith "epiphany" speaks of nothing so much as desperation and lack of intelligence. If your friend was so quick to drop you without critically examining the kind of belief system that requires its constituents to abandon all friendships with people with "inappropriate lifestyles" or whatever; if your friend is that sheeplike and unquestioning, at the expense of whatever friendship the two of you shared; he can't have been much of a friend to begin with and you're probably better off without him.
    Last edited by Yuki; 10-20-2011 at 03:35 AM.

  6. #6
    Administrator Ryan's Avatar
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    This is a story I hear time and time again. It could just be that I'm from a really conservative rural area, but church is everything here. Any time there is a young person who's lonely/outcast/depressed, someone from a church sweeps in and tells them Jesus is missing from their life. A couple meetings with the church youth group and they're suddenly hooked. I knew four guys in high school who were gay, and they later renounced that when they found their churches. Two of them said they could no longer talk to me, one tried to convince me to come to church and let "Jesus show me the right path," and one never bothered speaking to me again.

    The sad part is that they're obviously still gay. One is married, one is dating a girl, and I haven't bothered finding the other two. But I just see pictures of them or read their Facebooks, and they sound and look totally miserable. I guess some people would rather lie to themselves and try to fit in, rather than deal with adversity and be honest with themselves.

    I probably wouldn't reply, personally. You won't change their mind or make them see your side of it. I tried really hard to reason with one of my friends when he did this, and it only made things more upsetting and/or infuriating for me.

  7. #7
    That's so Shakespearean... Canoodlefish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryan View Post
    This is a story I hear time and time again. It could just be that I'm from a really conservative rural area, but church is everything here. Any time there is a young person who's lonely/outcast/depressed, someone from a church sweeps in and tells them Jesus is missing from their life. A couple meetings with the church youth group and they're suddenly hooked. I knew four guys in high school who were gay, and they later renounced that when they found their churches. Two of them said they could no longer talk to me, one tried to convince me to come to church and let "Jesus show me the right path," and one never bothered speaking to me again.

    The sad part is that they're obviously still gay. One is married, one is dating a girl, and I haven't bothered finding the other two. But I just see pictures of them or read their Facebooks, and they sound and look totally miserable. I guess some people would rather lie to themselves and try to fit in, rather than deal with adversity and be honest with themselves.

    I probably wouldn't reply, personally. You won't change their mind or make them see your side of it. I tried really hard to reason with one of my friends when he did this, and it only made things more upsetting and/or infuriating for me.
    There's also the reverse, people growing up in churches, conflicted, and then reconciling themselves to who they are, left, and live their lives to the fullest. If their stories didn't get into the mainstream media, that could easily be attributed to the dominance of the heterosexual discourse and also the fact that they're enjoying their lives too much to tell. Don't let this get you down, Bass, only time will tell if he valued his friendship, in which case he shouldn't be giving a damn.

    Stories like this always make me think of the short sermon given by the pastor in Chocolat:

    I'm not sure what the theme of my homily today ought to be. Do I want to speak of the miracle of Our Lord's divine transformation? Not really, no. I don't want to talk about His divinity. I'd rather talk about His humanity. I mean how He lived His life, here on Earth. His kindness, His tolerance... Listen, here's what I think. I think that we can't go around... measuring our goodness by what we don't do. By what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude. I think... we've got to measure goodness by what we embrace, what we create... and who we include.
    "Never build a dungeon that you cannot get out of."

  8. #8
    condemned to wires and hammers ebby's Avatar
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    This happened with a guy I know here in Galway. There were other circumstances involved too - his parents had split, he had no close family and was living by himself and working out on the edge of town in a small café. The gay scene here is a not the warmest and friendliest place, and this was before the lgbt youth group had started up properly. When he got a job in the "born again café" as we like to call it, suddenly he was "ex-gay" and dating a girl, and was even sent off to the States to give a talk at some ex-gay event.

    Any time one of the lesbians we used to hang out with would see him, she made a point of stopping and asking how everything was going for him, and seeing if he was happy. Just checking in on him, and keeping in touch without trying to hang out with him or change his mind.

    Although he completely abandoned all his friends, and became heavily involved in the café for a few years, he is now back on the gay scene, and has reconnected with some of the guys he was friends with, and I see him around whenever I'm out on the scene here. He's now "ex-ex-gay P".

    It's always interesting to me that the lgbt scene in a small town can be unfriendly and clique-ish a lot of the time, but it's also welcoming and forgiving, and no-one judges him for getting so lost in that ex-gay rubbish, because it's the warmth, the surrogate family, the feeling of belonging and sense of place that everyone is after in some way. So it's a really easy thing to prey on and fall victim to, especially if you've not got many close connections in your personal life with friends or family or if you're not happy within yourself with who you are.

    But honestly, what you need then is counselling, not religion and trying to change a major part of yourself.

  9. #9
    Tens Across the Board Banjee's Avatar
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    I can "accept" people converting from gay to straight. Hell, lots of people switch from straight to gay, bi-sexual to straight, bi-sexual to gay, bi-sexual to pansexual, pansexual to Volkswagensexual all the time. Sexuality is fluid, so I can conceive of people moving along the spectrum to whatever floats their boat. The problem I'm having is that once these people covert, they have to reject and refuse your friendship. I didn't pay much attention in bible class and the last time I went we were still coloring pictures, so, for those of you that know more, please point to the passage in which Jesus rejects, ignores, alienates, or vilifies sodomites and/or other "criminals." What exactly is Christian about destroying caring, compassionate friendships, even if these people are sinners? I would think it was the opposite, that your true Christian nature would be glorified precisely because you were compassionate and forgave the "sinner."

  10. #10
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    it baffles me how they can place Jesus in the center of their beliefs but completely ignore what he represented and stood for.

    has your friend seen a quality therapist?

  11. #11
    Sitting on a Bomb Morrison's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pan View Post
    has your friend seen a quality therapist?
    Or an exorcist?

  12. #12
    Senior Member Paul.'s Avatar
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    i would just tell him if this is the path he has chosen, then you accept and love him for who he is. and hopefully he can do the same for you. tell him your door is always open.

  13. #13
    she said destroy Lágnætti's Avatar
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    There's nothing much you can do when someone decides to join a cult (in my opinion if your church practices shunning, it's a cult). All you can do is be there on the other side for them if they ever come to their senses and leave.

  14. #14
    aging hipster trash The Seaward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by julius ebola View Post
    There's nothing much you can do when someone decides to join a cult (in my opinion if your church practices shunning, it's a cult). All you can do is be there on the other side for them if they ever come to their senses and leave.
    This, pretty much. Like any southern gay boy, I've been in Ryan's and Devon's place. It's not worth the time, energy of frustration to try to reason with this guy. He's "seen tha lahght!!", you like dudes. It sucks that you have to mourn the loss of a friendship, though. But hey, on the bright side: when you get bummed, you can go out for a few drinks and some slap and tickle of the masculine variety!
    I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Bastien's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for the support and responses.

    I've decided to not respond for the time being and in the future will let him know if he ever wants to talk I'm here. He's been there for me through some bad things, so I know I can forgive this if he ever changes his mind.

    I hate I feel responsible, like I should do something to get him out of this. It's such an unhealthy thing to get wrapped up in. But as people have said here, this is his choice. He's an adult and it's not my business to involve myself no matter how much I want to. I lucked out I suppose, as I was raised in a house where religion was forced on me. My parent's sent me to "ex-gay ministries" against my will, and in doing so, I saw the church from a different light than people who go looking for answers. He has been going through depression for a few months, so I can see how meeting people who claim they can fix all his problems would intrigue him.

    Again, thanks for all the support! I'll update if I hear anything back from him.

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