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Thread: Bah humbug!

  1. #286
    Loves ponies. Hates phonies. Regina Phalange's Avatar
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    Dukes up, people.

  2. #287
    Loves ponies. Hates phonies. Regina Phalange's Avatar
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    The post-Trump extra-shitty feeling of holiday dread is creeping in. It's like a fog that starts slowly. A light misty rain, eventually being a zero visibility situation.

    I was feeling bad I hadn't seen one of my family branches in a while because of the stupid shit on facebook the mother posts. There were a lot of disingenuous images this week of "can't we just get along". Suspiciously post-election, when the idiots got their asses handed to them and want Democrats to be nice to them with just 1/3 of the power. You know, nicer to them than they were to use with 3/3 power. Anyway, today rolled up an Obama video shared from a user whose name contained "sheeple." And the rage washed over me in waves. I knew that whole side of the family was horrible in a thousand different ways, but pre-facebook, it just was suspicions and maybe the occasional spoken thing. It wasn't overt and it was only from time to time, cause it's not like I saw into their sad little minds more than a handful of times a year. Now it isn't ephemeral like spoken words and it's at least once a week.

    I just can't keep the disgust off my face and I can't keep my mouth shut. A friend of mine was going to be around ONLY Trump supporters for Thanksgiving and it just made me wonder why everyone can't just keep to the "no politics" rules at family gatherings. I could handle some branches of my family if they kept their terrible political opinions to themselves. It's literally one of the top things etiquette says you shouldn't talk about. But that branch of my family has an inability to think that someone knows anything more than they do and won't let an "expert" tell them how to roll. Sure, you barely graduated HS in the early 80s and haven't taken a class since, never read non-fiction or news in print form. Please tell me how your opinion is more valid than mine, even if I only spent 5 minutes on Snopes.

    So without facebook and their inability to keep from putting terrible opinions out there and without following basic Emily Post, I could get through the holidays... maybe. (There is a big family event in October and the motherfuckers always forget to invite me and I'm still steaming from being forgotten in 2017.)

    Bah Humbug, 2018.

  3. #288
    a succulent Chinese meal lacuna's Avatar
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    The radio station I listen to at work has already started playing Xmas music. I’m so pissed. It’s the knell of a holiday-free existence. I’m not fucking ready yet.

    Hmmph

  4. #289
    Sleeps to dream entropy's Avatar
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    I went to Kohl's today. The were playing Xmas music. On the way home I spotted a neighbor putting up holiday lights. I hate this time of year. Hell-mas. Yep, done with with! BAH HUMBUG!

  5. #290
    Let them eat cheese flan Nancy's Avatar
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    We're going to tune in the Hallmark channel with the sound muted (so we don't have to hear the Christmas music) and watch Happy the Dog and Happy the Cat celebrate Thanksgiving.




    There's so much food in the oven right now that we should be comatose by noon or 1 p.m. Which is fine.

  6. #291
    I am not a loony beanstew's Avatar
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    Happy Thanksgiving American friends!

    Maybe for once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."

  7. #292
    Loves ponies. Hates phonies. Regina Phalange's Avatar
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    If I hear/see one more sincere think piece/casual aside of: white people talk to your racist families, I'm going to scream. It comes from an awfully privileged place. You can't understand the depths of some families' dysfunction. And it's condescending as hell. If my family would actually listen to me, do you think I'd be unselfish and use it up on racism? Hell no. I got other shit that needs fixing. I hate the attitude of "racism must exist because white people don't yell at their families during holidays." Sure, some dynamics are like that but some of us can't get our idiot relatives to agree the sky is blue. Or some of us may be the literal smartest person in the family, who always has to play alone when everyone else teams up for Trivial Pursuit, but can't get one fucking person to admit she might be right about the sky being blue because they learned in 1978 that it was green. I have all the smarts but zero respect. Me standing up for POC at a holiday is going to be arguing with the idiots or if they decide not to engage me, me ranting and raving at a turkey carcass like a lunatic. It's not going to solve racism and just make for a shitty day FOR EVERYONE.

    Talk to the racists in my family? Why didn't I ever think of that? Thanks, [usually POC] commentator! I don't need basic humanity for myself in my family, not to be called a cunt or be told "I hate you" or even have someone take a swing at me. Let me make sure this racist shit bag who at least votes D sometimes and isn't in the Klan watches Atlanta next season. That's what's important, right?

    I hate smug.

    I do agree that it's important for people to talk when circumstances allow for it but it's ok to just eat and ignore, especially if you're out marching and donating and calling your reps and canvassing. You deserve a break too. And if you've already spent the majority of your life arguing with people, why waste your breath on another day?

    One of the best things I've read since 2016 was something like: Facts and logic didn't get people into their positions so facts and logic aren't going to get them out. What's the point of arguing with irrational if YOU DON'T WANT TO? If you've done it before and been unsuccessful?

    Don't feel bad, don't listen to smug idiots dispensing "wisdom" from a podcast or insta or op ed.

  8. #293
    Quote Originally Posted by Regina Phalange View Post
    If I hear/see one more sincere think piece/casual aside of: white people talk to your racist families, I'm going to scream. It comes from an awfully privileged place. You can't understand the depths of some families' dysfunction. And it's condescending as hell. If my family would actually listen to me, do you think I'd be unselfish and use it up on racism? Hell no. I got other shit that needs fixing. I hate the attitude of "racism must exist because white people don't yell at their families during holidays." Sure, some dynamics are like that but some of us can't get our idiot relatives to agree the sky is blue. Or some of us may be the literal smartest person in the family, who always has to play alone when everyone else teams up for Trivial Pursuit, but can't get one fucking person to admit she might be right about the sky being blue because they learned in 1978 that it was green. I have all the smarts but zero respect. Me standing up for POC at a holiday is going to be arguing with the idiots or if they decide not to engage me, me ranting and raving at a turkey carcass like a lunatic. It's not going to solve racism and just make for a shitty day FOR EVERYONE.

    Talk to the racists in my family? Why didn't I ever think of that? Thanks, [usually POC] commentator! I don't need basic humanity for myself in my family, not to be called a cunt or be told "I hate you" or even have someone take a swing at me. Let me make sure this racist shit bag who at least votes D sometimes and isn't in the Klan watches Atlanta next season. That's what's important, right?

    I hate smug.

    I do agree that it's important for people to talk when circumstances allow for it but it's ok to just eat and ignore, especially if you're out marching and donating and calling your reps and canvassing. You deserve a break too. And if you've already spent the majority of your life arguing with people, why waste your breath on another day?

    One of the best things I've read since 2016 was something like: Facts and logic didn't get people into their positions so facts and logic aren't going to get them out. What's the point of arguing with irrational if YOU DON'T WANT TO? If you've done it before and been unsuccessful?

    Don't feel bad, don't listen to smug idiots dispensing "wisdom" from a podcast or insta or op ed.
    Dude, I don't even have to deal with that kind of shit during the holidays to know it doesn't work like that. I didn't feel like I could comment on those kind of posts *because* I don't have to deal with Nazi apologist POS in-laws but it seems fairly obvious we can't just get through to our families because of some... blood connection. Not sure why being able to rub two brain cells together is so tough, but here we are.

    I'd find the post that really drove me nuts (something something, "they'll listen to you because YOU'RE FAMILY") but I don't think you need to see it to know it's obnoxious, privileged trash.

    Sending smarmy, black-hearted love, friendos.
    Remember that we once lived

  9. #294
    Senior Member Andyland's Avatar
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    I don't think anyone's going to completely change their extended family's worldview over a holiday dinner, but I can understand wanting to encourage people to respond when their relatives make blatantly racist comments, since silence can feel like tacit approval. Folks definitely need to watch out for their own mental health and safety though. It's certainly not easy to decide what battles are worth our time
    Last edited by Andyland; 11-22-2018 at 11:27 PM.

  10. #295
    Loves ponies. Hates phonies. Regina Phalange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andyland View Post
    I don't think anyone's going to completely change their extended family's worldview over a holiday dinner, but I can understand wanting to encourage people to respond when their relatives make blatantly racist comments, since silence can feel like tacit approval. Folks definitely need to watch out for their own mental health and safety though. It's certainly not easy to decide what battles are worth our time
    100%. All the snotty shit I read doesn't take into account mental health and safety. Or maybe that some of us have tried for our whole lives. It makes the problem on *us* for somehow not converting our family members instead of on the racist shitbags themselves. It'd be great if all of us on the right side of things could convince the wrong people this weekend, but it is always framed as our fault when it doesn't happen.

  11. #296
    Strangerer Rum 509's Avatar
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    I was convinced a long time ago, that I don't have the ability to change anyone's mind about anything. Especially in person. Online, I can take my time, do some research, and then present an argument that's based on factual evidence, and when that is dismissed, I'm done. I can "leave the room" but nobody sees me go. I would think, that if I had to deal with that kind of bullshit from family members, I simply wouldn't deal with them anymore, but I understand it's not that simple.

    Due to factors outside of my control, I'm home alone today, my daughter is off with her mom, I picked up my SO at the airport (from Dubai! She's resting.) and will be having Thanksgiving tomorrow with members her family. One of them socially inept, but tolerable. It's nice being here alone, the streets are quiet, I'm nursing a minor cold, having a glass of wine or two and resting. Yay!

    And I'm wishing you a good, or at least a decent holiday, without obligations or conflict. I also wish we could have a glass of wine together, online drinking could be a great thing!

  12. #297
    Sleeps to dream entropy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Regina Phalange View Post
    100%. All the snotty shit I read doesn't take into account mental health and safety. Or maybe that some of us have tried for our whole lives. It makes the problem on *us* for somehow not converting our family members instead of on the racist shitbags themselves. It'd be great if all of us on the right side of things could convince the wrong people this weekend, but it is always framed as our fault when it doesn't happen.
    I read your first post on this yesterday! I couldn't agree more.
    1. When I am with my family, I have to focus on keeping my own oxygen mask on, so to speak.
    2. The bolded part reeks of some weird fundamentalist christian bullshit I heard growing up. If I don't try and save somebody than their blood is literally on my hands when I am in heaven. So yeah, that's fucked up!
    3. Around a Thanksgiving dinner would be the worst time to try to talk with somebody. Having a non-conformational one on one would be the way to go and even then you aren't going to change somebody's mind unless they are opened minded and if they were opened minded they would be a racist bung hole.

  13. #298
    Loves ponies. Hates phonies. Regina Phalange's Avatar
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    I have a new hero.



  14. #299
    Sleeps to dream entropy's Avatar
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    Welp, we made it through another holiday season!

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