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Thread: Being a Parent is hard...

  1. #1
    Oy With The Poodles Already!
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    Being a Parent is hard...

    So in the other thread I had talked before about how Xavier had a really rough transition into the after school program at school and was being bullied a bit by some of the older kids. We'd talked to the teacher and that seemed to have all been resolved, and he did really well for the rest of the year.

    Well...it's starting again now that he's in the summer camp program at his school. It's a combination program with three schools participating and many of the same kids who were in the afterschool program are in the summer camp program as well.

    He's been coming home very upset, tired and cranky. Anything will set him off crying, whining, and yelling. We know that part of it is that he's hungry because he's just not getting enough nutritious food right now and we're going to be working on that.

    But in the last two days he's come home with this information...

    Thursday the camp went to see Shrek at the theatre. Jeff had cleared it with the teacher that he was allowed to bring a little spending money, so he gave Xavier $5 with explicit instructions to be very careful with it and bring home the change. He gets home and no change. Jeff questions him and he says he only bought some skittles at the movie and that was it. But he wouldn't say what happened with the rest of the money. BIG meltdown at bedtime, and after he finally calms down he tells me that one of the kids took the change from him. He said "B didn't have any money, so he kept my dollar and the quarters I had." I asked why and he just kept saying that B took it because he didn't have any money of his own. NOTE: B is the same kid who was bullying him the first time.

    Today he comes home and says that he's starving because he didn't eat his lunch. We ask why and he says that C and another kid (wouldn't say who, I asked if it was B and he said no it was someone else) took it. That they had asked if they could have it and when Xavier said no, they took it anyway. All he ate was a cracker and his juice box apparently. He went to the teacher and the kids were eventually sent home, but they didn't have anything to give Xavier to eat. So my kid basically starved all day.


    So...that's what's going on. Jeff is ready to take him out of the program in July if this continues. They do a lot of activities but the supervision just doesn't seem to be there for the kids. And I'm really not happy that this is going on again. With the same kid! I'm at a loss as to how to help Xavier become more assertive and be able to defend himself.

  2. #2
    My kids participated in a summer program that sounds quite similar to what you describe in regards to size and supervision. Way too many young counselors mixed with way too many kids. My son was not bullied but didn't care for the camp and I didn't like how chaotic it was every time I did drop off or pick up. My daughter had gone there when it was far more manageable but there seemed to be a decline in structure and direction by the time my son started going. We pulled him out and never looked back. What I have found with both of my kids, they often will not let on how much they disliked something until they don't have to do it anymore. My son has told me numerous times how happy he is that he no longer has to go to his old camp. Definitely trust your gut on this one and try to find an alternative if it doesn't feel like it is working.

  3. #3
    Oy With The Poodles Already!
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    I'm going to talk to my daughter's daycare this week to see if they might still have room in their program. My daughter really likes the school and they have more professional staff there than the summer camp at the school.

  4. #4
    authentic hotdog cart vendor Frangipani's Avatar
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    so continued from @...

    We're back on the breast! Thanks to those who told me to stick it out and endure the pain! Even with all my coaching and help from outsiders, my lack of understanding of 'letting down' was one of the main culprits that lead me to believe I wasn't making enough for my boy. He's finally drinking enough that I'm noticing my fat kind of melt off now. OMG ...wait - oh back to the shitty stuff...

    MY BACK AARRGGGH. I'm having insane mid-back pain from carrying him around. I know Im developing some serious new muscle there but i cannot get a break long enough to let my back recover. Its just this constant pain and my only comfort is knowing my back is hulking out to support him. I'm hoping the pain will go away, but he keeps gaining & I dont know how i can get ahead of this. Anyone have remedies for this? I get my guy to rest all of his weight on some areas (i'm a trained masseuse so i just guide him) but its really only a temporary relief. Maybe I should google some stretches...
    Slippin' on my red dress, putting on my make-up

  5. #5
    Join The Resistance Barbarella's Avatar
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    Yay boobie milk!

  6. #6
    do you use a baby carrier of any kind or are you just lugging him around pushing your body into a position to help balance yourself?


    (hurray for boobie milk!)

  7. #7


    Last night our parrot, Sport, passed away.

    This morning we had the incredibly difficult task of breaking the news to L and the funeral under the tree. All day he's been surprising both of us on how well he understands and is accepting the loss of one of his best buddies.

    This afternoon he put up this stick wall in our patio, and while building it, he was telling me it was for the ants to climb on - later this evening he told Kevin "the branches aren't really for the ants ... it's to remind me of the symbol of the tree and Sport"

  8. #8
    authentic hotdog cart vendor Frangipani's Avatar
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    Oh Becka, I am so sorry to hear about Sport. L sounds like such a mature and thoughtful child. Amazing how natural our instincts are to memorialize our loved ones.

    re back: I have a bjorn but im pretty sure the pain stems from picking him up from the ground or other assorted baby playstations. I'm not doing housework with him on me, I'm just boppin around, soothing, picking up from crib/tummy time = PAIN. I should try to pay attention to any over compensation with the non-holding side and switch holding sides.
    Slippin' on my red dress, putting on my make-up

  9. #9
    I would try a different kind of carrier if you can, one that cradles the kiddo more naturally to the shape of your body versus just hanging off it (i found i had a lot of side/back pain with my bjorn knockoff), however my babyhawk and the other wrap around you a zillion times stretchy wrap was way easier on me.

    I also had to pay attention to how i was standing, moving.. you find that you're contorting yourself when you start being aware of it. Also if you do any kind of co-sleeping, you may also be instinctively sleeping in a funky shape to ensure there is enough space around the baby. I had horrific back pain the last 8 months we coslept due to lucien taking up so much room me sleeping funny away from him. Tossed him into his own bed and within a few days my back pain was gone.

  10. #10
    Senior Member toriwannabe's Avatar
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    Definitely stretches. And/or pilates or gentle yoga (just be sure to let the instructor know you've just had a baby! I did a mums and bubs class at my local gym). Cat stretch pose is a good one to release the spine.

    But I found that even everyday things like changing nappies and clothes, was hurting my back and neck. Whenever I breastfed or expressed, I realised I was looking down too much, straining my upper back and neck, so I had to be conscious of sitting straighter. Also made sure I wasn't reaching for things for nappies and wipes at change times. I moved them really close on the change table. I also stood to the side of the change table rather than the end, so that I wasn't reaching too far forward all the time.

    Personally, I don't think I would have survived without seeing my osteopath fortnightly. My body was pretty much out of alignment after having Jacob and it needed some work to get back. Even the pilates instructor noticed I wasn't lying straight on the floor. I was to one side, and I didn't even realise it!

    Hope you feel better soon.

  11. #11
    authentic hotdog cart vendor Frangipani's Avatar
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    Thanks Becka, posture is definitely something I have to work on.

    And YES toriwannabe- I have been lurching when I breastfeed, now I use huge chair/couch cushions to support me and it makes all the difference in the world. I would love to do yoga or pilates. Im very close to a YMCA, hopefully they have classes. I wish yoga was covered by insurance.
    Slippin' on my red dress, putting on my make-up

  12. #12
    Royal Bitchess of Snarkdom Em's Avatar
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    It's one of those [numerous, lately] times where the kids have a 4 day weekend, and I'm praying like hell that we all survive it. The boy especially is just so out of control lately despite our always following through on the consequences; it's like he just doesn't get it... it doesn't sink in. He thinks spankings are funny, and he thinks that he can just come out of his room if he beats on the walls enough, and he will get to play games simply because he wants to, regardless of the fact that I've told him none of these things are going to happen, and they will not. *bangs head against a brick wall* He used to be such a nice little kid, eager to please, always wanting to snuggle. I don't know wtf happened, but I want that one back.

  13. #13
    I blame it on school. Other shitty kids being an influence. Teasing, etc. His innocence is gone
    But it's not like he shouldn't be able to just get the fact that he's being punished for his actions and that he needs to change things in order to get his way. His utter refusal is puzzling.

  14. #14
    Who's Deanna? SparkleMotion's Avatar
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    ^^Mine has been the same way lately. No matter what I or my husband say, he has to contradict. And we've always followed through on consequences so I have no idea why this shit keeps going on. I agree with you, Dave, about the influence of other kids in school. There is one in particular that I know has been a hugely negative influence on Sean. I see it in certain things he does that just don't seem like "him." I've grown to dread weekends. Two weekends ago it was so bad that I nearly broke down and cried when I realized it was Saturday and not Sunday.

  15. #15
    Oy With The Poodles Already!
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    I think its a 7 yr old thing. Xavier has been all attitude lately. "Oh crap" is his new favorite phrase, as well as "well you tell me no all the time, so I'm going to tell it to you!" Hes rude to his sister, me, dad. He's whining and throwing more tantrums now than he has in the last three years it seems. And yet his teacher says other than a bit of talking he is a model student. I guess he saves it all for home! ugh.

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