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Thread: Tales of Everyday Homophobia

  1. #781
    Quote Originally Posted by Puddles View Post
    And frankly, there's something very gross about a straight guy caring more about his "right" to use a homophobic slur rather than the gay people it offends.
    Well, I can't disagree with that.

    I have this one group of friends and acquaintances that consists mostly of dirtbag punk moped riders. Most of them are straight, some bi or gay, but within their circle they've sort of adopted "fag" as an insult meaning "whiny little bitch"-- sexual orientation plays no part in it. I kind of like that they've destroyed the power of that word by repurposing it. Whether or not the straights among them should be participating in that is debatable, but the whole vibe is refreshingly post-sexual. I guess that's what I meant by "context matters" as it's a different vibe from a bunch of homophobic frat boys throwing that word around.

  2. #782
    I don't know where else to share this:

    Yesterday I was walking into a hardware store and noticed a guy walking towards the same door, equidistant from me. I have social anxiety about a lot of situations, and one of them is wtf to do when I and another person approach a door at the same time. Do I wait and let them open it? Do I offer to open it? Do I slow down? Do I speed up? So all this is going through my head. So OF COURSE we get to the door at the exact same time and I start feeling all weird and don't know what to do, and then I look at him and he's wearing full makeup which caught me even further off guard (I live in a very small southern town, so men in makeup is incredibly rare). He says, "Girl, you look SO cute today!" and instead of thanking him I just mumbled something and went through the door as fast as I could.

    I FELT HORRIBLE FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. I felt horrible for even mentally noting that he/she had on makeup, I felt horrible that my awkwardness may have been interpreted as homophobia (and thus made him/her have to experience that discomfort), I feel horrible that he/she may have felt judged by me. Really it all came down to my social anxiety, but now i'm questioning why I got even more nervous when I realized he/she was wearing makeup! I mean, if that had happened to me in NYC I would've been like, "THANKS! You totally just made my day!" but because it happened here I was like OH GOD WHAT DO I DO.

    I don't know what to think about myself right now.

  3. #783
    Alt Universe CliqueMember Spikey's Avatar
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    First, (s)he was wearing full make up, but does that mean (s)he is gay; not necessarily, so you're not a homophobe. Latent transphobia? I actually don't really think that -phobias like that can really be latent. Your reaction was probably a relatively normal one, a simple combination of your anxiety (approaching the door together) AND being surprised by somebody who is "socially salient" (wearing full make-up as well as saying you look cute), not necessarily in a bad way. Don't beat yourself up about it.
    "Replies are a combination of nonsense, unrelated comments and inside jokes"‎

  4. #784
    Remember. Steve SFM's Avatar
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    Hey, kids!

    What do we think of the Nashville Statement?

    I'll start.

    At my core, I think we're gonna be OK.

    Barack Hussein Obama

  5. #785
    generally largely right Dan's Avatar
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    Kill them all.

  6. #786
    Administrator Ryan's Avatar
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    I'm not sure why people always expect a different result from religious leaders. They cling to their old time beliefs despite how out of step and tone deaf they are. Mat Staver and Tony Perkins especially should die in an actual fire. Nothing would make me happier.

  7. #787
    Alt Universe CliqueMember Spikey's Avatar
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    Made me LOLYOLOs. Marriage has longer been a business of the people than a church business if there was no feudal lord involved. It wasn't until halfway through medieval times or so that the church wanted to be more involved. (Which means marriage has existed in Christianity longer without church involvement than with).

    Why exactly is everyone in the States talking about this particular bunch of randoms?
    "Replies are a combination of nonsense, unrelated comments and inside jokes"‎

  8. #788
    generally largely right Dan's Avatar
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    Kim Davis is holding a conference tomorrow, with Liberty Counsel leaders and various other homophobic associations, at the Bucharest National Theatre and I don't know how to deal with that.

  9. #789
    Quote Originally Posted by Dan View Post
    Kim Davis is holding a conference tomorrow, with Liberty Counsel leaders and various other homophobic associations, at the Bucharest National Theatre and I don't know how to deal with that.
    My advice, first and foremost to myself, in those situations is this: you don't have to deal with it. If you don't want to allow that kind of poison into your life and world, there is no shame in ignoring it. This week was a huge deal for LGBT rights here too, as the Greek parliament passed a massive bill in support of transgender rights, but the sheer extent of vitriol and hate spewed around these parts almost got overwhelming. We have to make a conscious choice to tune out the voices of evil, strife and hostility, or else they'll swallow us whole.

  10. #790
    A Midspring's Nightmare Rabih's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dan View Post
    Kim Davis is holding a conference tomorrow, with Liberty Counsel leaders and various other homophobic associations, at the Bucharest National Theatre and I don't know how to deal with that.
    Is she some kind of public figure to fight gay marriage all over the world now?! What the hell?

  11. #791
    generally largely right Dan's Avatar
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    Well, things are a bit complicated. Currently, same-sex marriage is forbidden by law, but there is an article article in the Constitution which says that marriage is "between spouses". The regular law, in theory, can always be changed, although most of our parliament is made up of socially conservative parties. Because of that remote possibility, homophobes and bigots have organized into a group called Coalitia pentru Familie (the Coalition for the Family, CpF); this group is financed by neo-Protestant American churches and fundie groups, but together with the local Orthodox church (may it all burn), they gathered three million signatures for an initiative to change the Constitution via referendum. How, exactly? They simply want to replace "between spouses" with "between a man and a woman". This would effectively nullify any chance of same sex marriage in Romania for the following decades. Parliament is up for it. Now they're bringing this cunt over to whine about how same sex marriage would restrict everyone's religious liberty.

    I feel fucking powerless. I'm (perennially) single; marriage is no urgent concern for me. But still, same sex marriage is vital, as far as I am concerned, because it is the clearest way for the state to, er, state that gay relationships are equal to straight ones, and therefore, implicitly, gay people are equal to straight people. Sadly, there is very little interest for activism among the local gay population. In particular, people from my generation and older are dealing with tons of internalized homophobia and shame and traditional concepts of masculinity and whatnot; partying and fucking is A-OK, but publicly assuming an identity is... eh, let's not upset grandma. I would very much like to go and spit in Kim Davis' face, but I'd be a fucking lone wolf.

  12. #792
    someone to fall back on Owen's Avatar
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    I honestly hope she dies choking on a communion cracker.

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