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Thread: sanctimommy blogs: they're everywhere

  1. #1
    the reichenbach hero fox in socks's Avatar
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    Icon15 sanctimommy blogs: they're everywhere

    militant martyry mommy blogs are everywhere. i suggest a catchall. gotta have em!


    PREFACE: I am the only one of my life long friends that has children, and luckily, none of them are judgmental of parents. Most importantly, they NEVER say that raising a dog is like raising a child because it’s not. This letter isn’t meant for people who have pets. This angry rant is the result of a rude comment by a pet owner that thought it was appropriate to judge parents, talk smack, and compare having a kid to having a dog, and it is intended for assholes like that.
    All the rest of the dog owners can pamper the shit out of their little furballs, and I don’t care so long as they don’t try to tell me that they understand what parenting an actual human is like. I have a dog AND real live humans. I promise, it’s not the same.
    If you still are not intelligent enough to interpret the meaning of this letter, I have left an address at the bottom to which you can send your hate mail. To the rest that appreciate some good tongue and cheek humor, enjoy!

    A Letter to My Childless “Dog Parent” Friends
    Dear Childless “Parents” of Dogs,
    I’m not sure how much longer we can remain friends. I am getting worried that I might flick you in the eye next time you say that you understand what it’s like to have kids because you have a dog.
    Call me the next time your canine keeps you up all night sucking on your nipple. Then, we’ll talk. <—– Case. Point. End of letter.
    Just kidding. I’ve got a mouthful for you today.
    High horse please. Thank you. Now listen up.
    Your dog is just that, a fucking dog. Nothing more. You can dress her up, carry her in a purse, wipe her ass…. I don’t care – it’s still a dog. What’s that you say? Your dog is “really high maintenance,” and she’s “your baby”?? Try putting an actual baby in a cage while you go to work for the day and see what happens. Your spoiled little fur ball might be a pisser when you come home, but it sure beats jail time.
    I wonder how often you get to bathe in jail. Speaking of bathing, how often do you wash your dog? Mmm hmmm. I’d be curious how long until a child would be taken from you for neglect if you bathed a child that often.
    I’m also curious when your dog started sleeping through the night. I’ve heard your dog wakes up early – say 5, 6am? Interesting. Take that wake up time and then add a few years of multiple nighttime wakings, combined with actually having to get them to sleep in the first place, and you’re right – you *totally* understand what having a child is like.
    By the way, how long does it take you to put your dog to bed? You know, between brushing her teeth, wrestling to get pajamas on, reading stories, singing songs, etc. How long does it all take? How many times does your dog call you back for a drink of water or a tissue? For a sock that’s just a little crooked? Never? Oh, that’s weird – she just goes to bed?
    One might say it’s starting to look like dogs and kids actually are different…
    But we haven’t even covered meal times, school, or doctor’s visits. What voodoo are you performing to get your dog child to just eat whatever the hell you give her? Please do share. Also, regarding the parent teacher conferences, I assume your canine kid is well-behaved and making good grades?
    I suppose if your smart ass realized how different dogs and kids really are, you would have noticed that I’ve been to the doctor more in the first 6 months of my healthy baby’s life than you have in 6 years with a healthy dog, but you didn’t notice.
    You were too busy judging my life, which “isn’t as hectic as I make it seem,” because you understand “exactly” what I’m going through since you’re a “dog parent.”
    All I have to say is “suck it.” Better yet, let your dog suck it. That’s right because if you actually let your dog nurse on you all night long then you really might understand what having a child is like, but in that case, we wouldn’t be able to be friends anyway you creep.
    Love,
    Your (non)Friend with Kids
    oh. okay. A+ for the passive aggressiveness with a disclaimer to boot! well played. well played http://www.inthemomlight.com/2012/11...arent-friends/

  2. #2
    she said destroy Lágnætti's Avatar
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    Gosh, she's really doing a great job of selling the joys of motherhood there! She makes it sound about as fulfilling as domestic violence. Sign me up!

    In other news, surely it's not compulsory to let your kid chew your nipple at all, let alone all fucking night? The stench of martyrdom is strong in this one.

  3. #3
    fire up the quattro SMMY's Avatar
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    It is sad that the author was forced into a life choice that makes her bitter, angry and miserable. Oh wait!

  4. #4
    Administrator Ryan's Avatar
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    She sounds a little bitter. I bet she wishes she could lock her child in a cage without risking jail time.

  5. #5
    the reichenbach hero fox in socks's Avatar
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    But you GUYS!!!! her life is SO MUCH HARDER thus pet owners have a life of little value really. I mean, honestly, what's life without parent teacher conferences?

  6. #6
    Senior Member Mori's Avatar
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    What a bitch (ha!).

  7. #7
    it's a long long climb Kari's Avatar
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    sanctimommy blogs: they're everywhere

    Ugh. What a sniveling, holier than thou, self important twat.

  8. #8
    it's a long long climb Kari's Avatar
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    Okay, this isn't a mommy blog but its on the same site. is all I have to say.

    http://www.inthemomlight.com/2013/03...-for-husbands/
    1. A little wine and romance will go further towards getting me in mood than humping my leg like a horny golden retriever. Also, helping around the house will have the same effect on me as alcohol does on a high school girl on prom night.
    2. If I’m getting ready to start my period or I have my period while we are arguing and you don’t have chocolate in hand, you’re basically swimming with sharks while bleeding – nice knowing you.
    3. My retail therapy is the female equivalent to your sports obsession, so don’t intervene unless you want me to return the favor.
    4. It’s not called “nagging.” It’s called asking you for the 637th time to do something that I shouldn’t have had to ask about in the first place, and don’t even call me a nag or I’ll hang your balls out to dry for at least two weeks.
    5. If I’m acting crazy, remember, I didn’t choose to be born with hormone induced rage blackouts, but you chose to marry me. So who’s the crazy one here???
    6. Remember you’re going home with me so stick up for me to your mother OR ELSE.
    7. I have yet to meet anyone who has died of a cold. Not really a rule, but just some food for thought…
    8. If you want me to stop talking, acknowledge you heard me, and I’ll shut up (maybe).
    9. I get an “I’m right” trump card that’s good for 5 years times infinity for every human that emerged from my body. Game. Set. Match. End of argument.
    10. Even when I actually am being a crazy bitch, always remember that I’m your crazy bitch, and you know you LOVE me.

    Click here to download the world’s ugliest FREE printable of the above guide. I recommend printing it and leaving it lying around the house for him to find….. hopefully he has a good sense of humor about things. If not, be ready to trade sexual favors to get yourself out of the doghouse
    I do not think there could BE more stereotypical nonsense in this blog. UGH eyebleach. "lol bitches be crazy just give us chocolate!". DIE.

  9. #9
    fire up the quattro SMMY's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kari View Post
    Okay, this isn't a mommy blog but its on the same site. is all I have to say.

    http://www.inthemomlight.com/2013/03...-for-husbands/


    I do not think there could BE more stereotypical nonsense in this blog. UGH eyebleach. "lol bitches be crazy just give us chocolate!". DIE.
    It seems to be from the "feminism means I can be a heinous shrew and it is still funny because I'm a woman and I say so" school of thought. That whole blog is just a giant internet ball of wrong.

  10. #10
    she said destroy Lágnætti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kari View Post
    I do not think there could BE more stereotypical nonsense in this blog. UGH eyebleach. "lol bitches be crazy just give us chocolate!". DIE.
    Quite. She's selling matrmony about as well as her breeder counterpart upthread is selling the idea of motherhood.

    If you look at the actual entry, some guy named John has a right pop at her for her attitude in the comments. She then clams it's all meant to be deeply humourous and that she and the hubby share this great sense of humour about their marriage. Funny, because the thing mostly reeks of blatant hostility to me. The bits that are trying to be funny are just so tired or entitled-sounding they could surely only raise a laugh (and a hollow one at that) from someone equally as miserable in their relationship.

  11. #11
    she might not be so bold fullofwish's Avatar
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    A few comments past John and her 'oh but it's just for fun' crap, someone says "I am willing to bet that John is still single!!". Because obviously any man or woman who sees through that shit and calls her out on it must be unlovable!

  12. #12
    the reichenbach hero fox in socks's Avatar
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    jesus wept, shes a real cunt. bitter with a side dish of resentful all over that blog.

  13. #13
    she said destroy Lágnætti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fullofwish View Post
    A few comments past John and her 'oh but it's just for fun' crap, someone says "I am willing to bet that John is still single!!". Because obviously any man or woman who sees through that shit and calls her out on it must be unlovable!
    I'm willing to bet that John has standards and doesn't exactly relish the idea of being stuck for decades with some woman with whom he has no interests in common and who puts him down constantly and publicly. Can't imagine why.

    You know, I'd rather be single for a thousand years than stuck in a marriage based on barely-concealed hostility to each other. I mean, she makes it sound like she has nothing but contempt for her husband, while she herself is a severely frustrated, screechy and self-described mentally-unstable piece of work whose big hobby is spending money like water. Not something anyone should be jealous of, surely? I'd rather saw open my neck with a breadknife than live like that.

  14. #14
    it's a long long climb Kari's Avatar
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    sanctimommy blogs: they're everywhere

    As would I!! I can't imagine feeling that hostile towards my husband. I never understand people who hate each other and resent each other day in and day out. I hope if it ever got to that point, one of us would have the good sense to GTFO of our marriage. It's not like we are perfect but we don't snipe at each other and disrespect each other. Ugh.

  15. #15
    carried by the sound emanate's Avatar
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    Exactly. I find anger to be EXHAUSTING. I don't understand where people like this find the energy to go on as they do, especially when so much of that anger is constantly directed toward somebody who lives IN YOUR HOUSE. There's no way I could go on like that for any length of time.

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