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Thread: "motherhood deniers" - that's a new one

  1. #1
    skeptic. Chalk's Avatar
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    "motherhood deniers" - that's a new one

    I give you one guess where it was published....

    It was too long to read, and I stopped midway because I was getting a migraine from all the eye rolling. Why is that for some people what works/doesn't works for them should apply for everyone else?
    'Any woman who says she's happy to be childless is a liar or a fool'

    Earlier this week, a broadsheet newspaper ran a triumphalist piece by a 42-year-old who claimed she was wilfully and joyfully childfree. The writer was one of a growing number of women, she claimed, who believe having it all means not having a baby. I call them the Motherhood Deniers.

  2. #2
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    On my mum's desk at her home in Devon are two cards, one from me, one from my brother, signed with messages of 'all my love'. When Mum and Dad are gone where will that love go?
    Apparently if you have children, your own parents will live forever! Cool!

  3. #3
    What, me worry? inexcelsis17's Avatar
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    Selfishness masked as a desire to be altruistic is truly nauseating, especially when presented with that much condescension and bitterness. She doesn't want a child because she wants to give "unconditional love", she wants a child because she's a shallow cow who thinks the solution to her admittedly empty life is a little human that looks like her. I have absolutely no sympathy for anyone who whines on and on about wanting a child "to love" and doesn't consider adoption. You can't want one that badly if you require that it look like you.

    I have never met a woman who regretted having children.
    Really? I've heard many admit they wished they never had kids. I've also seen some parents look positively miserable while spouting the ol' "but it's so worth it" line. So are they all fools or liars?

  4. #4
    to the loneliest city in the world other pete's Avatar
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    Why would ANYONE deny themself the opportunity to write this though?


    --------------------------------------------------------------
    http://www.newstatesman.com/lifestyl...eezed-middle-1

    Larry and I are feeding the ducks in the park when I spot something out of the corner of my eye. What is that? I squint and peer, and eventually walk over to the plastic bag glistening in the sunlight by the side of the pond. It is full of lamb chops. Raw, sweaty, slightly greenish lamb chops.

    My stomach heaves and rage rises up in my chest. What kind of beast dumps a bagful of raw lamb chops in a public park? The same kind of beast that rips up the daffodils planted by local schoolchildren. The same kind of beast who lets their horrible slavering Staffie shit all over the children’s playground. The same kind of beast who is still drilling for fossil fuel even though the human race is headed for a slow, hideous extinction. What is wrong with humans? We seem determined to make life unpleasant for ourselves.

    “What is that?”

    “It’s nothing, bubs. Somebody has left some meat in the park, that’s all.”

    “Why?” Larry is going through a “why” phase.

    “I don’t know. People do strange things. Sometimes they do things that aren’t very nice.”

    “Why?”

    I have been wondering when and how to introduce Larry to the idea that people are often complete idiots. Brutal honesty is my new policy. Middle-class mothers spend too much time telling their children to be nice, to share, not to hit anybody, to say please and thank you, not to drop litter in the street, or tease cats, or stomp on worms. I feel we should prepare our offspring a little better for the harsh, selfish, brutal and misguided reality they will inevitably face at some point.

    Yet, before I can say anything, I feel a tear trickle down my cheek and disappear into the collar of my coat. What is going on? I wipe it away quickly. But then there’s another one, and another, and before I know it I am crying, really proper snotty unstoppable crying.

    “Mummy, what’s the matter?”

    “Don’t worry, darling, I’m fine.”

    But I’m not, that much is obvious because my mouth gapes and I have to cover it with my hand before I start to dribble. The truth is, I haven’t been feeling too good recently. Perhaps it’s because Moe hasn’t been sleeping, or because Curly and I haven’t been getting on, or because I’ve been trying to work too much, or because the house thing fell through and now we’re going to be stuck in our slightly-too-small-flat for evermore. I don’t know. I wish it would all just go away.

    Larry stares at me, puzzled. He’s lost some of his baby chub and his features are starting to take on the more defined angles of a little boy. The thought that he will one day grow up sends me into another round of ribcageracking sobs.

    “Hey, you know what?” He scoots over to the buggy where Moe is lying asleep and rummages around until he finds the stained and tattered rag he has been sleeping with since he was a baby. “You need blankie.”

  5. #5
    Administrator Ryan's Avatar
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    Wow.

  6. #6
    she said destroy Lágnætti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by inexcelsis17 View Post
    Really? I've heard many admit they wished they never had kids. I've also seen some parents look positively miserable while spouting the ol' "but it's so worth it" line. So are they all fools or liars?
    I've certainly had a few women sidle up to me over the years - knowing I don't have kids and am not remotely interested in doing so and also knowing I don't do the female pack thing that requires spouting standard-issue groupthink Hallmark glurge on various topics - and tell me they wished they hadn't.

    Certainly the more down to earth mothers I know admit everyone at least has the odd awful hour, day, week, month, year, stretch of years when they wish they hadn't bothered. It's the ones who insist its all roses and deep meaningful rewards for4ah who shouldn't be trusted. I mean, you only have to look at and listen to the tales of woe to know it's certainly no picnic at least sometimes. Day to day I rarely see anything worth envying and that's not even me being bitchy. I see a lot of stress and grim faces and broken marriages making everything ten times worse and all this repressed anger and resentment that often erupts in unpleasant, ugly scenes AT the kids themselves. I look at my life and think thank FUCK I never ended up like that. I enjoy my life and the freedoms I have. Some dipshit journalist wants to try to tell me I'd be happier landed with a kid I didn't want, let them. It doesn't alter the facts one bit.

    And for fuck's sake, you only have to talk to anyone involved with warehousing of old people, sorry, carehomes, to know that plenty of adult kids don't give a single fuck about their parents let alone have some mystic love-bond, and only turn up to reap the monetary spoils when the parent's finally dead. Also we all know so many old people living alone who are never visited by their adult children. Sometimes they only live around the corner (spoke to a guy in this situation not long ago, so sad), sometimes they fuck off abroad thousands of miles away because their own lives are far more interesting and important than any familial bond or responsibility. It's not only the childless who end up alone, let's just get that one out there. It's a sizeable percentage of people with multiple adult children. Funnily enough, it's also often the 'selfish' unchilded adult children who take actual responsibility for adults in their old age.
    Last edited by Lágnætti; 08-09-2013 at 02:32 PM.

  7. #7
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    I recently hung out with an old friend from high school. I hadn't seen her in over 10 years. She has two young sons now. She loves her boys very much but she's pretty much miserable a lot of the time. She said she hasn't slept properly in two years and that her days consist of lounging around the house in sweatpants. She's lost a certain spark for life that she once had. I know she had kids because she wanted them and she wasn't really outwardly complaining about her life (I could just sense her unhappiness and despondency) but she's proof that raising children is not the end all be all in female fulfillment. My friend never subscribed to this notion but millions of women do and they are chillingly proved wrong in many instances. You will only be on a path to personal fulfillment when you make choices based on what you truly want in life, not what society tells you what it thinks you want.
    Last edited by Beulah Land; 08-09-2013 at 03:14 PM.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Mori's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by otter pete View Post
    Why would ANYONE deny themself the opportunity to write this though?


    --------------------------------------------------------------
    http://www.newstatesman.com/lifestyl...eezed-middle-1

    Larry and I are feeding the ducks in the park when I spot something out of the corner of my eye. What is that? I squint and peer, and eventually walk over to the plastic bag glistening in the sunlight by the side of the pond. It is full of lamb chops. Raw, sweaty, slightly greenish lamb chops.

    My stomach heaves and rage rises up in my chest. What kind of beast dumps a bagful of raw lamb chops in a public park? The same kind of beast that rips up the daffodils planted by local schoolchildren. The same kind of beast who lets their horrible slavering Staffie shit all over the children’s playground. The same kind of beast who is still drilling for fossil fuel even though the human race is headed for a slow, hideous extinction. What is wrong with humans? We seem determined to make life unpleasant for ourselves.

    “What is that?”

    “It’s nothing, bubs. Somebody has left some meat in the park, that’s all.”

    “Why?” Larry is going through a “why” phase.

    “I don’t know. People do strange things. Sometimes they do things that aren’t very nice.”

    “Why?”

    I have been wondering when and how to introduce Larry to the idea that people are often complete idiots. Brutal honesty is my new policy. Middle-class mothers spend too much time telling their children to be nice, to share, not to hit anybody, to say please and thank you, not to drop litter in the street, or tease cats, or stomp on worms. I feel we should prepare our offspring a little better for the harsh, selfish, brutal and misguided reality they will inevitably face at some point.

    Yet, before I can say anything, I feel a tear trickle down my cheek and disappear into the collar of my coat. What is going on? I wipe it away quickly. But then there’s another one, and another, and before I know it I am crying, really proper snotty unstoppable crying.

    “Mummy, what’s the matter?”

    “Don’t worry, darling, I’m fine.”

    But I’m not, that much is obvious because my mouth gapes and I have to cover it with my hand before I start to dribble. The truth is, I haven’t been feeling too good recently. Perhaps it’s because Moe hasn’t been sleeping, or because Curly and I haven’t been getting on, or because I’ve been trying to work too much, or because the house thing fell through and now we’re going to be stuck in our slightly-too-small-flat for evermore. I don’t know. I wish it would all just go away.

    Larry stares at me, puzzled. He’s lost some of his baby chub and his features are starting to take on the more defined angles of a little boy. The thought that he will one day grow up sends me into another round of ribcageracking sobs.

    “Hey, you know what?” He scoots over to the buggy where Moe is lying asleep and rummages around until he finds the stained and tattered rag he has been sleeping with since he was a baby. “You need blankie.”

    Sounds like a Catherine Tate parody. Plus points for "Moe Larry and Curly".

  9. #9
    thundering blissful towards death stillorbiting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by julius ebola View Post
    Funnily enough, it's also often the 'selfish' unchilded adult children who take actual responsibility for adults in their old age.
    Ding ding ding. The thought of abandoning my parents as they enter old age makes my stomach turn. I would never. Also, I see it as an added bonus of not wanting kids that I will have more resources (both money and time) to be able to help my parents through their final years.

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