Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 27

Thread: gender roles, having it all, blah blah blah......

  1. #1
    the reichenbach hero fox in socks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    sgurr dubh mor
    Posts
    3,080

    Icon15 gender roles, having it all, blah blah blah......

    so i've noticed this trend---women who spend a shit ton of money on an education, only to give birth a couple years post grad or so and be done with whatever career path they started on to be a stay-at-home mom. Obviously this isn't 100% the case, and maybe a unique experience, but I work with a bunch of 20-30 something women with masters or clinical doctorate degrees who go this route. I just don't get it. Also, it is never that I see the males with the same degrees choosing the same path. Obviously, the woman has to do the incubating and the birthing......It's interesting, despite the progress of equality and choices for women etc. etc., that so many still fall into traditional roles.

    Anyway, validate me. have you noticed this in your world?

  2. #2
    carried by the sound emanate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    1,988
    I recently saw this exact scenario happen. I admit I was a bit flabbergasted when I heard the news. We went through the same grad program so I know she spent some serious coinage and did a shit-ton of work to get that degree, not to mention the energy she put into building her career after she graduated. I'm happy that she seems happy, but feel like we don't have much in common at this point in our lives.

    On the flip side, a different friend of mine has said that she loves her kids more than anything, but couldn't fathom NOT working because staying at home all time would drive her bonkers. I feel that, even though I have no kids! Doing any one thing for too long makes me antsy, including being cooped up inside my own home.

  3. #3
    Here's what some pretty southern girls do:

    1. Get an undergraduate degree from an SEC school
    2. Find a job as a pharmaceutical sales rep
    3. Meet and marry a doctor
    4. Have a baby, quit job

    I'm serious. I know at least a dozen women I went to high school with that followed this exact pattern. It's uncanny! And plenty of other women follow a similar trajectory - get degree, get married, have babies and quit working. I DON'T GET IT.

  4. #4
    A Matter Of How You See It Kala's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    6,137
    A couple of my ex's while married had wives with MBA's who quit working once the babies started coming. But keep in mind they were only able to do so and (relatively) maintain their standard of living because the husband made $$$. I've no idea whether their intent was to find a man who made good dough, get married, get pregnant and then quit working OR if they enjoyed their career and felt their degree was important but had a change of heart once they became pregnant/gave birth.

    On the flip side, I know there are some well educated stay-at-home dads with the wife bringing in the bacon, but that is much less common.

  5. #5
    Militia of the Mind toriMODE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    13,840
    Yes, I was thinking about this lately. A girl I went to high school and college with. She got a degree in Accounting, graduated college, worked maybe 3 years, and then was married, had 5 kids, and now stays at home, and does things like Pampered Chef, and restores furniture and sells it. I always thought she would be a career woman regardless if she had kids.

  6. #6
    she said destroy Lágnætti's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    The Grim North
    Posts
    6,235
    I've seen a bit of this: get job, dislike it, make a deal of disliking it, announce pregnancy two or three months later (basically when it's still in the 'late period' range), fuck off on sick leave for several months more, have kid, take standard six months paid maternity leave, extend it to a year (we all know you;re going to do this), grudgingly come back for three or four months and then rinse and repeat. THEN quit to stay home after year of maternity leave, making sure to come back for a whole week or whatever so the don't have to pay the government back the leave money as per law. Oh, and when you're in work, exploiting pregnancy to the full for time off and endless doctor's appointment, make sure you're a vile, unapproachable hormonal bitch to other employees and certainly to anyone who needs leave for anything OTHER than pregnancy purposes. They're clearly faking their dying parents or arthritis or whatever. Only your sperm infection is important and real.

    Infuriates me, in part because it makes women in their mid-thirties/early forties (the desperado breeding years) look like fucking awful employment prospects. Glad I'm about to age out of this because I'm certain it affects how many employers look at any woman in this age range. You'll never, ever be told you didn't get a job because they're fed up of women basically doing a whole three months work out of three years employment, but it sure as hell happens.

    My other thought for this get a degree, quit and spend years doing fuck all demographic - wouldn't like to have your pension prospects, lady. I don't think the smugger marrieds ever really realise how poor they're going to be later in life if Mr. I Pay For Everything dies or divorces them. I don't know if it's lack of basic financial smarts or just pure denial, but I don't know how anyone can take years and years out and then maybe return to P/T work at best and not worry about their pension and savings. Poverty affects many women in later age for precisely this reason. I know someone in their late forties with kids who tell me her ISA (tax free savings account) is her pension because she only works 2 days a week and intends to forever. Er, an ISA hold a max of £50K (and she hasn't got anywhere near that amount in it). You can't live for 25 years post-retirement on that now never mind when inflation has done its work with it. I guess she's really on the 'my husband is my pension' plan instead.
    Last edited by Lágnætti; 02-08-2014 at 11:30 AM.

  7. #7
    carried by the sound emanate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    1,988
    Quote Originally Posted by julius ebola View Post
    My other thought for this get a degree, quit and spend years doing fuck all demographic - wouldn't like to have your pension prospects, lady. I don't think the smugger marrieds ever really realise how poor they're going to be later in life if Mr. I Pay For Everything dies or divorces them.
    Exactly! I wouldn't ever want to pin my financial well-being (or illusion thereof) on another person. It's far too risky.

  8. #8
    What, me worry? inexcelsis17's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    1,194
    My husband works with a woman who fits Julius' description. Every child turns into a year off, and she pumping them as fast as she can. Meanwhile, her co-workers are understaffed, and since she still technically works there they aren't able to hire anyone else to fill her position.

    My personal thoughts on the matter (and I'm happy to adjust my views if necessary) are that you can't have it all; the demands of childcare and a career at the same time often cause one or both of the responsibilities to suffer. IMO it's unfair to everyone else to expect your job to be kept warm and ready for you to jump back in after you've fulfilled your desire to procreate. It's unfair on the child to unnecessarily be denied a close bond with its parent in its formative years so a woman can have the satisfaction of a rewarding career. I've seen mothers get so hurt because their kids have a much better relationship with their nannies than they do with them- how could they expect to be close when they rarely saw them?
    I wonder how things would be different if there were more part time jobs available for higher paying careers.
    Last edited by inexcelsis17; 02-10-2014 at 12:07 AM. Reason: clarity

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    426
    Quote Originally Posted by inexcelsis17 View Post
    It's unfair on the child to unnecessarily be denied a close bond with its parent in its formative years so a woman can have the satisfaction of a rewarding career.
    And yet no one says a father who works is robbing his children of a close bond.

  10. #10
    it's a long long climb Kari's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    16,594
    Quote Originally Posted by lioness View Post
    And yet no one says a father who works is robbing his children of a close bond.
    Word. Woooorrrd.

  11. #11
    What, me worry? inexcelsis17's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    1,194
    That's true. I suppose what I can't wrap my head around is wanting to have kids but not wanting to raise them; the two are synonymous to me. Then again, I've never wanted children, so I have no romantic thoughts of shopping for iddle-biddy shoes, just thoughts of wretch-inducing diapers and ear-piercing shrieking. From what I understand, though, it's much better for the child to have a parent close by in the first couple of years, be it the mother or father.

  12. #12
    werewolves, not swear-wolves Chalk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    2,190
    You still can raise a child and work simultaneously. It's a juggle act, but can be done. I have friends who had children whilst still at Uni and post grad and they made it work. It's all about commitment and also priorities. Their kids did not suffer from having working parents.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Andyland's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    3,340
    In an ideal world I think one parent would stay home until the child starts Kindergarten or 1st grade, but I get that for many that just isn't economically feasible. I agree with the previously mentioned point that when kids are that young, quantity of time matters. If your infant/toddler/small child sees you for 2 or 3 hours a day, and sees Grandma, or the daycare worker, or the nanny for 8 to 10 hours a day, who is truly raising the child?

  14. #14
    Luckiest SweetPea's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Sacramento, CA
    Posts
    3,425
    That's only 10-13 hours... You realize there are 24 hours in a day...

    Anyway, a child can be cared for by a nanny/grandparent/etc and be just fine. If it is a difference between that or being homeless... Nanny for a few years is not going to ruin the child. There are still at least 15 years left with your kid. Suggesting that leaving your kid to be cared for by another person isn't "raising" your kid is insulting and ignorant. Sometimes situations arise that make it necessary.

    And while I don't personally want children, I know that people want to do what is best and try to plan accordingly. However, we must understand that family planning doesn't always go according to plan and that responsible parents will do what is necessary to properly care for their child(ren), whether that is a nanny, grandparent, or daycare, so they can keep working and still provide for their family.
    You don't have to do everything all by yourself.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Andyland's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    3,340
    Quote Originally Posted by SweetPea View Post
    That's only 10-13 hours... You realize there are 24 hours in a day...

    Anyway, a child can be cared for by a nanny/grandparent/etc and be just fine. If it is a difference between that or being homeless... Nanny for a few years is not going to ruin the child. There are still at least 15 years left with your kid. Suggesting that leaving your kid to be cared for by another person isn't "raising" your kid is insulting and ignorant. Sometimes situations arise that make it necessary.

    And while I don't personally want children, I know that people want to do what is best and try to plan accordingly. However, we must understand that family planning doesn't always go according to plan and that responsible parents will do what is necessary to properly care for their child(ren), whether that is a nanny, grandparent, or daycare, so they can keep working and still provide for their family.
    Sorry, that was just meant to be a ballpark figure, excluding time spent asleep. I agree with everything you've said, and like I said previously, I understand that going back to work is an economic necessity for many. I still think that small children are likely to bond most strongly with whoever they spend the most time with. And if that's Grandma or the nanny, that's really not the end of the world, it just might not be what the parent would prefer.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •