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Thread: gender roles, having it all, blah blah blah......

  1. #16
    the reichenbach hero fox in socks's Avatar
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    holding positions is one of those things that irritates me. often, it's during the maternity leave, or a couple months into the return after maternity leave, that our staff ends up quitting or going prn/call-in. That usually leaves the remaining staff to scramble or train replacements or whatever. the worst is, in talking to some of these people, they knew they weren't coming back WAY before they even went out, but didn't want to have to pay back the leave. i see your scam, but it still annoys me.

  2. #17
    What, me worry? inexcelsis17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SweetPea View Post
    That's only 10-13 hours... You realize there are 24 hours in a day...

    Anyway, a child can be cared for by a nanny/grandparent/etc and be just fine. If it is a difference between that or being homeless... Nanny for a few years is not going to ruin the child. There are still at least 15 years left with your kid. Suggesting that leaving your kid to be cared for by another person isn't "raising" your kid is insulting and ignorant. Sometimes situations arise that make it necessary.

    And while I don't personally want children, I know that people want to do what is best and try to plan accordingly. However, we must understand that family planning doesn't always go according to plan and that responsible parents will do what is necessary to properly care for their child(ren), whether that is a nanny, grandparent, or daycare, so they can keep working and still provide for their family.
    The thread includes the term "having it all", so in my comments I was just thinking about those who choose to have children, while simultaneously choosing to keep their career. I fully understand that things don't always go to plan, and that there are many various ways of successfully bringing up kids. After 15 years of marriage, my parents divorced right after I was born. My dad never gave us a penny and my mother was the sole bread winner, and in the early years my grandparents were a tremendous help to us. Perhaps my inability to grasp why someone would plan to do the juggling act is a result of my mom's lamenting over us being latchkey kids, and having to go to work while we were home sick.

  3. #18
    the reichenbach hero fox in socks's Avatar
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    indeed. people often assume that their parents (grandparents) will be all over childcare etc. Thats a pretty shitty assumption as they've already done their child-rearing and may have other plans. i have a friend who has her mom watch her kiddo when she works for a few days (shes contract, not full time) and has to balance not taking advantage of her mom (who gets over infant-rearing after a few days) and trying to keep herself on the workplace radar. it just seems so stressful. i also, cant grasp signing up for that. i see nothing noble about having so many balls in the air.

  4. #19
    it's a long long climb Kari's Avatar
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    I wouldn't let my mom watch a chia pet, and my mother in law is 80, so if I had kids there is no grandparent to dump them at. Life ain't easy.

    I am watching two dear friends of mine raise an intelligent, hilarious, and well adjusted child. They both work and have full time help (nanny and daycare cost pretty much the same here in the city). Their nanny is a smart gal with a background in childhood education who subscribes to their methods of child rearing. As such, the now 18 month old is thriving under her care. She is also very tightly bonded with her parents. This ridiculous assumption that daycare = "someone else is raising your child" is completely archaic and short sighted. Additionally, before everyone turned into such a special snowflake, children were often left in the care of others while their parents got stuff done. It's not as if mothers paid 100% attention to their children all day long. Besides, if my friend stayed at home all day, she'd go looney tunes. It is important that a child know that they are not the end-all be-all of their parents' existence, and seeing them go to work shows initiative and prepares them for the road ahead.

    However, I 100% no questions think that the United States should have mandatory maternity/paternity leave of at least 3-4 months, and its absolutely bonkers that we don't. No woman who has just given birth should have to immediately go back to work. Or, alternatively, the woman can go back sooner if she has a partner who is a stay-at-home dad. In that case, he should get the benefit.

    All that being said, it is a horribly stressful thing to have a kid and a career. I don't think I'm cut out for it. It's a good thing to know about yourself.

  5. #20
    Senior Member Andyland's Avatar
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    It does sound stressful. I can't even imagine the level of trust I would have to have in order to leave a 3 or 4 month old with a stranger in order to go back to work. Obviously a stay-at-home spouse or grandparent would alleviate that. I'm pretty grateful that one of the perks of being gay is that you can't really accidentally create human life

  6. #21
    Administrator Ryan's Avatar
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    My cousin's fiancée has decided after three and a half years of college that she doesn't plan to actually use her degree. The conversation went something like this:

    Fiancée: "I'm really just finishing school because I've only got a semester left. I'm not even going to look for a job."
    Me: "Why?"
    Fiancée: "Once we get married, I'm planning to just raise and home-school our kids."
    Me: "But you've spent so much time and money on college. You're not even going to work for a year or two just until you get on your feet, just to see how that works?"
    Fiancée: "No, [cousin]'s going to get a job so I can stay home."

    lkjasldkjasd. The reason this infuriates me is because she was awarded a scholarship that paid for four years of a very expensive, very well-known school here. My scholarship only lasted two years and then I quit school because I didn't have any money. Some other person, one who wanted to go to school and get a degree, could have used that money that she's basically thrown away. I mean, she didn't throw it away if she got a degree and there's always a chance she'll use it one day, but what if she doesn't? I just don't get it.

    /rant

  7. #22
    she said destroy Lágnætti's Avatar
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    It's hard for me to fathom a woman still thinking like that in 2014. I'm guessing she went straight from high school to college and is barely into her twenties?

  8. #23
    Administrator Ryan's Avatar
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    Yes, she's 23.

  9. #24
    she said destroy Lágnætti's Avatar
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    Is it some sort of local, foolish cultural norm or is there some sort of noxiously conservative religious influence (I did see the word 'homeschooling' there) at work? Or is it perhaps a retreat from the scary adult world of finding a job and all that jazz?

    I just cannot wrap my head around someone that age with an education just flopping down to marry, pump out kids and giving up all the great opportunities of their youth and any hope of the most basic financial independence that way. She'll turn around in ten years and it doesn't matter what degree she's got if she's never used it or established a work or credit history when her peers have gone on to the world of work. And god forbid if the marriage ends and she's stuck with the kids never having worked in her life and basically clueless about anything outside school and the nursery. I mean, choose your big old choice and all that, but it doesn't mean some choices aren't inherently self-defeating or financially damaging in the long run.

    /preaching to choir

  10. #25
    A Matter Of How You See It Kala's Avatar
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    since i reached adulthood i have NEVER been financially dependent on another person. i think it's the kiss of death. sure, there are couples where one person is dependent on the other to maintain their lifestyle and it works. but there are far too many relationships out there where it can become disastrous. as helen points out, what if they divorce and she has no work experience. unless the cousin is earning megabucks and the wife hires an aggressive attorney and gets a huge settlement for raising the kids so husband could be away building his career, that degree will mean shit all when she's competing against others who have been out in the world focusing on enhancing their workplace skills and establishing themselves as viable employees.

  11. #26
    it's a long long climb Kari's Avatar
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    Although i got married young (I was almost 24), I was ADAMANT about finding a way to make my own money. We have separate bank accounts. I cannot imagine putting all of my financial future in one person. Cannot. You never know what is going to happen in this life. Having marketable skills just seems like a basic survival thing. I know that if (god forbid) anything were to happen to my husband, or if we separated for any reason, I know I could support myself.

  12. #27
    Senior Member Andyland's Avatar
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    Thought of this thread when I saw this cover and the backlash to the choice of headline.




    http://www.thenation.com/blog/178375...aws-criticism#

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