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Thread: Are you happy you had kids? Really?

  1. #1
    What, me worry? inexcelsis17's Avatar
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    Are you happy you had kids? Really?

    I'm thinking about relinquishing my "Childfree and Fabulous" membership. The thought occurred to me about a few months ago that maybe it'd be nice to have kids, and as I've been obsessing about it since, I'm guessing it's more than just a passing fancy.
    Generally, during the day I'm all gung-ho about expanding our little family and ready to start shopping for maternity clothes. During the night my anxiety closest swings open its doors and I start to worry about everything from Weird Uncle Bill's traits popping up to the chance of spending the next 18 years pining away for the lost life of impromptu vacations and quiet evenings sipping wine and watching shows with adult themes.
    When asked, parents almost always say that they have no regrets about having children. I'm wondering if this is just something they feel they have to say because if they said otherwise they'd feel guilty that perhaps they didn't love their children enough, or if it's a genuine sentiment due to the beautiful, natural bond that's created.
    As I'm neurotic and still obsessing and overthinking the matter, I'd love to hear any thoughts you guys have on the subject.

  2. #2
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    Having kids is unfathomable to me.

  3. #3
    sing to the moon dAmION's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NUHN View Post
    Having kids is unfathomable to me.
    About the same for me as well!

  4. #4
    Butts. soignee's Avatar
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    The following is pre coffee ramblings, but the gist is I don't know. I feel like I should have kid(s?) in a way. I know my own parents won't care, as they have two grand kids already, but my partner has a brother who is going to be perpetually single and I'm slightly older then my partner to begin with by six years, and whoops it's that time for women to decide to have babies since it's coming up to years where it's only possible biologically....

    I just want to get a dog and maybe a couple of cats right now. Babies are cute and all but my head sort of ellipses out at the thought... of caring for a little human.. I just feel I should as it's the time where I can't dither about it, and in 20 years I'll regret it? See how I feel when we move into another place and are alone by ourselves for a bit.

  5. #5
    What, me worry? inexcelsis17's Avatar
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    NUNH and Damion: care to elaborate?

    No siblings or cousins on either my side or my husband's have had or are having children. As stupid as it might sound, it kills me to think of all of our family photographs going into the dump when we die. Our parents have been very careful to not pressure us to have kids, but I know they'd love it if we did. My husband's five years younger than me and was quite vocal about not wanting to be a parent when we first got together, but at 27 years old he's done a complete 180.

  6. #6
    CMYK>RGB Stephanie's Avatar
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    I'll be honest, having kids is not easy. I only have one, and I love him to bits and he's all kinds of awesome (he's 7), so for that reason I don't regret it. He has enriched my life in so many ways and I can't imagine my life without him. But there are plenty of moments when I do regret it. Moments when I question everything. When I miss being childfree. When I'm sick of having to do so much for someone else. When I just want to be alone.

    Soooo, no in general no regrets. I would not change it for anything. But it's hard and frustrating much more than you think it will be. And the first 2 years are so hard as they really need you for E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

    Take that as you will since everyone is different.

  7. #7
    the unhappy worker waitressboy's Avatar
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    A couple of years ago, I had a friend. We were lucky enough to work together and study together. Our boss even thought we were dating (she was totally clueless about my homosexuality -our boss, I mean). We were very, very close. She even dated a couple of idiots I helped her to get rid off; she became friend of one of my exes. We were lucky enough to change our jobs: in October '12 we both started working at the National Library of Argentina, and by the end of 2013 we were suppossed to graduate.
    In February '13 she started dating this very cool guy who lived in another city. Not too far away, only 50 km, so they could meet once or twice a week. Funny fact: they both were born in the same town in the country.
    In April she got pregnant.
    In June/July she dropped the University, she quitted her job, and she moved to her home town in the country with her boyfriend (who also left his job; he was a personal trainer or something like that).

    In the meantime, one girl from our group of friends moved to Chile to work there for a couple of months, and I started planning my trip to Scandinavia.
    My friend, the soon-to-be-mother, once said "I envy you, guys, because I could do what you're going to do, but now I can't".

    Now she has a beautiful child, she lives with her boyfriend in the country. I think she works at a pet store; we don't talk anymore, I just know about her because of her facebook status.

    My point is: you should consider the thing you will win and the things you will lose. That will tell what's more important in your life right now.
    I know I will never ever ever ever ever ever have a child. I'm too selfish for that. I want to sleep all night with no interruptions, I want to have the posibility to go to a record store and buy a CD without thinking if my child needs new clothes, I want to have the chance to stay all day in bed in complete silence.
    But that's my choice.
    There are lots of people who think different (and thank Superman for that, 'cause otherwise we would've extinguished centuries ago).
    When he woke up, the dinosaur was still there.

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    Quote Originally Posted by inexcelsis17 View Post
    NUNH and Damion: care to elaborate?
    Pretty similar to what waitressboy said. Not everything in my life is the way I want it to be, but sometimes I reflect on how glad I am to be childfree. I see so many parents who are miserable. And why chew up the prime of your life telling some half pint to "use his words" unless you are absolutely sure that's what you want? If you enjoy kids sometimes, why not volunteer somewhere or develop a relationship with a friend's kid or something? Create a family website and upload your family photos there for posterity.

  9. #9
    sing to the moon dAmION's Avatar
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    I'm in a stage of my life where i'm learning more and more about taking care of myself let alone someone else. Like Stephanie said above, kids really really need constant attention or love for the first 2 to 3 years of their life and i'd rather spend my time doing things that are more self-fulfilling then adding another body for the planet to support. Just not for me.

  10. #10
    Alt Universe CliqueMember Spikey's Avatar
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    Let me join this childfree invasion.

    Quote Originally Posted by inexcelsis17 View Post
    I'm thinking about relinquishing my "Childfree and Fabulous" membership.
    Two things will stop me always;
    1. I can hardly responsibly take care of myself, so am in no position to care for others.
    2. I've never dated somebody who I'd completely trust to raise kids with.
    "Replies are a combination of nonsense, unrelated comments and inside jokes"‎

  11. #11
    the unhappy worker waitressboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dAmION View Post
    kids really really need constant attention or love for the first 2 to 3 years of their life.
    If only. Kids need and adult until they are, ten years old Maybe, and then they become teenagers and they don't need you anymore but you still must feed them, and pay for their Clothes, education, health, free time and who knows what else. (We've all been teenagers or at least we met a teenager like that).
    So it's a radical change. I don't see it as "ok, three years and then I return to my previous life". HA.
    When he woke up, the dinosaur was still there.

  12. #12
    sing to the moon dAmION's Avatar
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    ^I don't see where what I said counters what you're saying.

  13. #13
    I never thought much about having kids. I teach them and love it. I also love my nieces a lot, but having my own kids? I never felt the need really. Then I got diagnosed with breast cancer and the question was asked whether or not I wanted kids in the near future (36 now). And all of a sudden you HAVE to decide and I still don't think I ever want them. I enjoy my freedom too much, having my nieces around on occasion is wonderful, but I'm not responsible for them 24/7 and I don't think I ever could be.

    My best friend got her first child a few months ago and while she loves the kid, she misses her freedom and her own life so much.

  14. #14
    the unhappy worker waitressboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dAmION View Post
    ^I don't see where what I said counters what you're saying.
    No, it's just that the line I quoted was a trigger for another Line of thought: not only how much work it is to be a parents but also for how long you'll have to be a parent. That was something i wasn't thinking about on my previous post. Just that.
    When he woke up, the dinosaur was still there.

  15. #15
    sing to the moon dAmION's Avatar
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    Gotcha.

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