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Thread: Are you happy you had kids? Really?

  1. #16
    I have an 8 year old and a 5 year old, both boys. I can honestly say they mean everything to me, equal to my partner. I agree with what has been said though, it is tiring, difficult, emotional, draining, but for me it has been worth it. I am in a leadership position at the senior high school I work at and work has been incredibly flexible. I had a year's maternity leave with each one and then went back to work part time. My husband for the last 7 years has worked from home one day a week on the day that I always have an early start and late finish and my work has been good time tabling so my boys have only a few sessions in out of school hours care. When they were small I worked 3 days a week, this is the first year I have been 5 days, but not quite full time.
    I have had 8 years of broken sleep, mr 5 is currently constipated (fun fun fun) but they have also added to my life in so many ways. My husband and I feel like they have always been here, as we have got older we actually prefer to stay home with the boys, or do family outings. We still go out but with much less frequency but we are happy with that. My children are funny and inquisitive and they make me smile very day, they have such a capacity for wonder, empathy and fun. Yes, they can be demanding, illogical and obstinate but heck we all can.
    As said above, weigh up the good and bad for you, weigh up where you see your life heading... We are in the roles at work we desired, we have a good circle of friends with and without children supportive involved grandparents, nearly own our home and all these things make a difference. I agree that the first three years are incredibly draining, but I can honestly say the first time I held both my babies I did feel that talked about rush of love and it has never left me.
    Hope this helps a bit...

  2. #17
    And as I teach high school I see what is coming... That is scary too...

  3. #18
    Sleeps to dream entropy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie View Post
    I'll be honest, having kids is not easy. I only have one, and I love him to bits and he's all kinds of awesome (he's 7), so for that reason I don't regret it. He has enriched my life in so many ways and I can't imagine my life without him. But there are plenty of moments when I do regret it. Moments when I question everything. When I miss being childfree. When I'm sick of having to do so much for someone else. When I just want to be alone.

    Take that as you will since everyone is different.
    This is exactly how I feel. Overall I don't regret it. But there are moments that I do, moments that are fleeting but hard to get through sometimes.

    I was on the fence about parenting. I figured I was going to have my regrets no matter what. In my case, I think the regrets would be more than fleeting if I didn't decide to parent.

  4. #19
    Let them eat cheese flan Nancy's Avatar
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    I don't understand how childfree people can answer this question.

  5. #20
    Alt Universe CliqueMember Spikey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nancy View Post
    I don't understand how childfree people can answer this question.
    They can't and didn't.

    The question I guess makes some of us reflect on how it would be or why it won't happen. .
    "Replies are a combination of nonsense, unrelated comments and inside jokes"‎

  6. #21
    Butts. soignee's Avatar
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    yeah, it got a bit navel gazey for us all, and the original poster had similar thoughts to me on the subject of having children. It was nice to see different corners of the echo chamber, even if it wasn't what I was expecting to hear.

  7. #22
    Let them eat cheese flan Nancy's Avatar
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    Judging from a dot message I got after I posted, this thread was started in the Childfree forum and moved to the Parent's Pad? If that's the case, I didn't see it until it was here. So I was confused. I'm still confused.

  8. #23
    What, me worry? inexcelsis17's Avatar
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    No, I started it in the Parent's Pad. Thanks to all who replied; it's a very interesting subject to me right now.

  9. #24
    Senior Member Jezebelle's Avatar
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    I'm a mom to two boys - 6 and 8 years old. I've always wanted kids - not a longing really, and I generally don't like babies - but I always knew I'd be a mother. I figured I'd get knocked up by some random when I was pushing 40 or do in vitro with a gay friend, but as fate would have it, I fell in love with a nice guy and got traditionally married just over 10 years ago.

    Its exhausting. It truly is. Your life isn't really your own - your life is for your family. I like my solitude and love going out and being stupid. I find times to do that still; but I was lucky to marry that nice guy who is also a hands on father who gets that I need so act young sometimes. I swear, if one kid gets to bed easily - then the other one is "scared" and comes in our room 2/3 more times. If one puts their laundry away, the other refuses. And then the worst part is - you're only as happy as your least happy child. My sister used to say that and its true, but think about it: you're only as happy as your least happy child. So if my child is in crisis or miserable, so am I. Those boys are walking embodiments of my heart and soul; living and breathing outside of my body.

    In my purest most natural state - I am an incredibly selfish, lazy person. However, being a mother has forced me to be more involved in life, my community, and just "doing things" (i.e. soccer, piano practice etc). Its literally not "about me" and in a way - that's a relief. I'm done - I'm grown - I'm over 40 and have a successful career where I feel like I make a difference. I'm saving for retirement, I drive a minivan and I love that the doors open up with a button.

    And I love those boys. Yes, when they suffer, I suffer. But as they've grown, they've had more opportunities for success and when they do, my heart bursts open and my whole body feels that joy with them. Listening to my older son practice piano scales brings far more joy than I've ever thought. My youngest son treats me like a queen and always ALWAYS opens the door for me saying "Ladies first", picks flowers for me (or finds rocks/sticks), and always tells me I look either "pretty" "beautiful" or "like a princess".

    Having kids also alters your sense of time. The days are long but the years are short. Each day feels like a struggle just to get shit done, but then you turn around and your baby is suddenly so tall he almost reaches your boob. I look at my aging father who's time on this earth is... well, we don't yet know (he's 81)... but he once as my age with kids shuffling to get to work and beat traffic to get home. He once felt like I do. So while some of it is tiring now - these kids are my FAMILY and will be with me from today until my last day on this earth. I will never not know them.

    I think for me, having kids adds a dimension to your life. There are other planets orbiting around you, the sun. And we're lucky - we are still able to travel and do things. So am I happy? I don't know that anything other than living your true self makes you "happy". But, for me, part of my true self always included being a mother.

    And since you asked about my kids, I included an obligatory picture of us in Ireland this summer. The second one is all of us, but the first one really tells the story. We're at Dick Mack's pub

    11693801_887821177932863_372713503202428444_n.jpg11742690_890403094341338_5050271068694466816_n.jpg
    Last edited by Jezebelle; 09-01-2015 at 02:00 PM.
    chillin in kyoto grand with my man Skrill

  10. #25
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    Wow, that was a great post! Beautiful family!

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