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Thread: STFU, Parents

  1. #166
    she said destroy Lágnætti's Avatar
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    I wonder if half of this attention-seeking is down to the fact some of these women lived in cloud cuckoo land previously and actually didn't realize children put huge restrictions on your life for a good few years and take up all your time? The reality hits and the endless look at me look at me and caterwauling for validation and sympathy begins ...

  2. #167
    Insert something clever here iamstilljamiepoo's Avatar
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    I am in my 30s now and pretty much all of my friends have children (with the exception of my gay male friends. We have more in common). Anyway, I do not.
    Newest mom, who I have talked about in these board a lot had twins who turned one over the summer. She had IVF to have them, they were born early, they were taken away because her babysitter abused them (let me tell you about that one day), and she got them back. I was there for her through all that, by the way. Doesn't call me, text me or anything now that she's gotten the kids back. When they were gone, calling me crying all the time. I get it. It's a hard thing and we all need someone; I was glad to help. I even get that babies keep a mom busy now that they're back.

    I'm getting off track. So, twins have birthday party. Dutiful friend Jamie turns up with gifts. I get thanked for said gifts and I am happy to be there. I get up at some point to say goodbye and she starts crying about how I never call her and she doesn't get out anymore and this is way harder than she thought blah blah blah. And I think I finally got to a point where I'd had it.
    So I say, "Phone works both ways, babe."

    And now we have World War 3. I am a terrible person, a terrible friend and I have no idea the dedication it takes to parent twins. She knew I'd be this way once she had the twins and how can I be so selfish? After all she's done for me? I mention how I've been there for her and she wondered when. See above. I've been a good friend, but I guess we're keeping score, so...
    It would be easy to chalk it up to all parents being too busy for their friends once they give birth. Few of my other parent friends are like this. Why is it my responsibility to keep up the friendship? I think if it were reciprocated I'd have no problem with it. But when I do call I get, 'the babies are asleep.' as if I know their schedule. Or when I text I don't get a response.
    Fuck you, lady.

    Sorry. I guess I am more angry than I thought.

  3. #168
    I'm a creep I'm a weirdo
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    Quote Originally Posted by iamstilljamiepoo View Post
    I have no idea the dedication it takes to parent twins.
    Nor should you have to. I'd cut and run.

  4. #169
    she said destroy Lágnætti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iamstilljamiepoo View Post
    So I say, "Phone works both ways, babe."
    Truth!

    And now we have World War 3. I am a terrible person, a terrible friend and I have no idea the dedication it takes to parent twins. She knew I'd be this way once she had the twins and how can I be so selfish? After all she's done for me?.
    LOLZ. The sheer boneheadedness of some people is staggering. I'd drop this stupid cow like a hot brick given all you've said about her behavior. Sounds like there's nothing for you in the friendship than being an endless sounding board anyway. I do love when people's idea of friendship is for them to do nothing because (insert excuse, whether it be boyfriends or babies) and you to be at their beck and call in those random moments when they have a problem they want you to solve.

    Now please tell us about the babysitter abuse thing because it sounds interesting and scandalous!

  5. #170
    it's a long long climb Kari's Avatar
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    New parenthood is often overwhelming, so twins makes that doubly hard. I am sure that her traumatic experience made that TRIPLY difficult.

    However! That does not mean she gets to take it out on you. Which is what she is doing.

  6. #171
    Insert something clever here iamstilljamiepoo's Avatar
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    So...

    A little after Christmas I got a message for her to call me. Which was weird, because I hadn't heard from her since the kids left the NICU (the NICU I drove her to twice a week when she couldn't drive...my bitterness is showing). I call and she says that the kids were taken away. The boy, Simon, has a great demeanor; never cries. One day she got a text from the babysitter saying that Simon was being a nightmare. Alarmed, my friend sent her husband home to check. Everyone was sleeping, all was well. Friend gets home from work and is changing Simon for bed and he loses his mind-- he was in pain. Friend called the doctor and doctor said for him to come in in the morning. Doctor checks baby and send him to hospital immediately. XRay reveals broken arm. Doctors tell my friend to bring the daughter in, as well. Xrays revealed old rib fractures. Meanwhile, the babysitter is at the hospital with my friend. Did I mention this is her best friend since they were like, seven? For the record, I do not find this funny. At all. I am really angry at whoever did this. They are sweet babies, despite their terrible mother. The state comes and the kids are taken into state custody. Her friend/babysitter is still sitting by her side as if this is some...strange thing that happened to the kids by some crazy stranger. The police immediately tell my friend to stop contact with the babysitter. My friend and her husband jumped through all the hoops and got the kids back in March, I think.

    When she told me about it, the way she sounded...I still to this day don't know who hurt those kids. My initial guess, honestly, was her husband. That's simply because I don't know much about him. He was kind of against having kids in the first place. I realize this doesn't make him an abuser, but... If the state cleared her, I guess she didn't. It's just the way she talks about them and acts towards them sometimes. The babysitter was never charged (nor was anyone) and stopped cooperating with the investigation. At their birthday party, the people who had the babies during the time they were taken away handled everything; the present opening with them, the cake-- while my friend sat there and bitched, essentially.

    I think this is hard in terms of the friendship because she was my first friend in college and I didn't have many. But things just keep piling up, you know? Her blatant racism, the way everything is always about her. I don't know. So there is the story. It's fucking awful. And I feel terrible for her and the babies that happened.

  7. #172
    she said destroy Lágnætti's Avatar
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    Hmmm. That sounds like a deeply fishy set-up in that family, especially as nobody was ever charged with what was obviously some fairly major abuse that could only have been committed by a small group of people.

    I'll note, Gavin de Becker, who writes on crime and violence, says that our first instinct about who is a danger is often the correct one, only we tend rationalize it away because it's often an inconvenient truth, and leave it at that.

    ETA: Is this the same woman as you mentioned in this thread in 2013? Because it sounds like you saw this coming if it is: http://www.unforumzed.com/showthread...l=1#post365920
    Last edited by Lágnætti; 09-11-2015 at 09:46 PM.

  8. #173
    it's a long long climb Kari's Avatar
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    Oh yeah that sounds REAL fishy. If the sitter was cleared, then who was breaking the baby's arm? Abusers are often the people in close proximity...ugh.

  9. #174
    fire up the quattro SMMY's Avatar
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    So she basically used you as a therapist, a chauffeur and a surrogate father. Then once she's done with you, she doesn't have the time of day for you, until it's time for you to pony up some birthday gifts for her nuggins. Finally, she bitches about you not being supportive enough and not understanding her needs. That's not a friend, it's a parasitic lifeform.
    yeah, dump her.


  10. #175
    she said destroy Lágnætti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kari View Post
    Oh yeah that sounds REAL fishy. If the sitter was cleared, then who was breaking the baby's arm? Abusers are often the people in close proximity...ugh.
    Read an article a while back (just tried to find it and failed) written by a woman whose baby kept succumbing to mysterious injuries and 'accidents' ... always while in the care of her 'wonderful', 'caring' husband. This went on and on and the woman somehow managed to stick her head in the sand and refuse to consider her husband was dangerous until the evidence was right in her face - a confession from the horse's mouth that he'd inflicted the injuries himself. Most abuse of kids is committed by their parent, biological or otherwise. Apparently the stats show the highest risk of death is from a live-in male partner unrelated biologically to the child they abuse but bio-parents of both sexes do their share.

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