Results 1 to 13 of 13

Thread: Happy 2020!

  1. #1
    Find a way to get in the way. MTC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Rio Rancho, NM
    Posts
    2,665

    Happy 2020!

    Here's hoping it will be happy anyway!
    And the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view
    And we'll live a long life

  2. #2
    We can only try, right? One last time with feeling!
    Remember that we once lived

  3. #3
    Gone Andromeda grapefruit_is_winning's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    2,842
    Quote Originally Posted by Faust View Post
    One last time with feeling!

  4. #4
    Alt Universe CliqueMember Spikey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Snarkletown
    Posts
    3,416
    have a good one, all of y'alls.
    Join the Unf Discord (any device)! 60+ folks have already joined. https://discord.gg/6ek5qzz

  5. #5
    Gone Andromeda grapefruit_is_winning's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    2,842
    Any particular visions, goals, or aspirations for the year ahead? Mine is kind of odd, I suppose, but quite important to me. Forgive me for being so personal.

    Following some trauma in the second half of my 20s, I stopped having sex for ten years. I just did the math after my 40th birthday a few months ago - that I hadn't had sex once throughout the entirety of my 30s. A sobering data point to say the least, especially for a once sex positive, kinky, cute young man who enjoyed sex a great deal throughout most of my 20s.

    How did this work? Well for starters, my partner and I are very loving and affectionate (spooning, kissing, holding hands), but were never super hot and heavy in the 'get down' department, so it wasn't disruptive to our relationship when I bowed out. Also, we're happily open, with boundaries that are comfortable for both of us, so he gets his needs met. For me it was easier to whisk sex away than to confront my fears, and the pain of my past.

    But it has gotten too far, and now I see it clearly.

    I now know that I've been shoving my sexual needs - my need to be sexual person, my need for sexual expression - down, down, down, but they haven't left my body, they've just manifested in dysfunctional, self-defeating behaviors which in turn are causing their own problems. It's a bit of a case of arrested development, really.

    Anyway, this is the year Stella starts to take repossession of her groove. It's scary, I'm somewhat terrified, but I'm inspired. Wish me luck!

    Sorry if this is weird...
    Last edited by grapefruit_is_winning; 01-05-2020 at 06:05 PM.

  6. #6
    Not weird at all! That’s a worthy goal if there ever were one.
    Remember that we once lived

  7. #7
    Gone Andromeda grapefruit_is_winning's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    2,842
    Thanks @Faust, et toi? What's in store for you in 2020? Where do you hope it takes you?

  8. #8
    Unemployed and gaining weight are about all I have going on for me right now, but with luck that'll change soon enough. Otherwise I'm thinking about getting another associate degree and building toward an HR career? Really, I just want to feel useful again by the end of 2020. 2019 was such a rocking year for me even if it ended with me losing a job. My spare time otherwise is filled with reading, listening to soundtracks and arrangement records and drinking coffee and I hope all of that continues twelvefold.
    Remember that we once lived

  9. #9
    Alt Universe CliqueMember Spikey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Snarkletown
    Posts
    3,416
    Quote Originally Posted by grapefruit_is_winning View Post
    Any particular visions, goals, or aspirations for the year ahead? Mine is kind of odd, I suppose, but quite important to me. Forgive me for being so personal.

    Following some trauma in the second half of my 20s, I stopped having sex for ten years. I just did the math after my 40th birthday a few months ago - that I hadn't had sex once throughout the entirety of my 30s. A sobering data point to say the least, especially for a once sex positive, kinky, cute young man who enjoyed sex a great deal throughout most of my 20s.

    How did this work? Well for starters, my partner and I are very loving and affectionate (spooning, kissing, holding hands), but were never super hot and heavy in the 'get down' department, so it wasn't disruptive to our relationship when I bowed out. Also, we're happily open, with boundaries that are comfortable for both of us, so he gets his needs met. For me it was easier to whisk sex away than to confront my fears, and the pain of my past.

    But it has gotten too far, and now I see it clearly.

    I now know that I've been shoving my sexual needs - my need to be sexual person, my need for sexual expression - down, down, down, but they haven't left my body, they've just manifested in dysfunctional, self-defeating behaviors which in turn are causing their own problems. It's a bit of a case of arrested development, really.

    Anyway, this is the year Stella starts to take repossession of her groove. It's scary, I'm somewhat terrified, but I'm inspired. Wish me luck!

    Sorry if this is weird...
    It is not weird - I am sorry to hear this.
    But verbalizing and naming a problem out loud surely is the first step to working on a solution. I recommend writing in a diary for starters, if you haven't got one already - setting stuff into words partially rids it of emotional charge - as emotions and related states of valence are often non-verbal and therefore hard to understand. Anyway, best of luck to you this year. I can't determine the nature of it from here of course, but you may want to consider professional help.


    Resolutions for me this year are;
    - drink less alcohol
    - keep up my diet
    - more skating, hiking and ski-ing
    - more sauna's for relaxing
    But those are the same every year for me I guess. My "secret" goal is to get back in touch with my spirituality - I consider myself a deeply spiritual person. One of my favorite ways to relax is to meditate / contemplate on symbols and symbolisms, and then draw/write about what I experienced. It makes me feel as if I am analysing not only inner depths, but the very fabric of reality and self-consciousness. I never talk about that part of myself, as it sounds a bit ridic, and most people like to think of me as a completely rational person.
    Join the Unf Discord (any device)! 60+ folks have already joined. https://discord.gg/6ek5qzz

  10. #10
    Gone Andromeda grapefruit_is_winning's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    2,842
    Quote Originally Posted by Faust View Post
    Unemployed and gaining weight are about all I have going on for me right now, but with luck that'll change soon enough. Otherwise I'm thinking about getting another associate degree and building toward an HR career? Really, I just want to feel useful again by the end of 2020. 2019 was such a rocking year for me even if it ended with me losing a job. My spare time otherwise is filled with reading, listening to soundtracks and arrangement records and drinking coffee and I hope all of that continues twelvefold.
    A better job and hearty continuation of the goodness train - I think it sounds great!

    Quote Originally Posted by Spikey View Post
    It is not weird - I am sorry to hear this. you may want to consider professional help.

    ...
    My "secret" goal is to get back in touch with my spirituality - I consider myself a deeply spiritual person. One of my favorite ways to relax is to meditate / contemplate on symbols and symbolisms, and then draw/write about what I experienced.
    Thanks @Spikey. I appreciate your concern and recommendations. It's all good - I've done the work. There's nothing left to do but rip the bandaid.

    I must say I find the ability to meditate to be an incredible skill. Meditation makes me want to kill myself or others - I hateithateithateit. But I fully recognize it's potential for healing and cultivating inner peace and quiet, as well as more tangible health benefits like lower blood pressure. Good on ya brother.

  11. #11
    Loves ponies. Hates phonies. Regina Phalange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    10,897
    I'm a total fucking mess personally and job wise and just about every other way. I'd like to have a reasonable job. I just can't find anything. I don't date and I don't want to date while being unemployed because the kind of guy who'd be interested in the mess that is me on an app is not the kind of guy I'd want to date. I mean, I'm great if you get to know me but my stats on paper are not impressive and I don't want to attract a creep thinking I'm vulnerable or desperate. So I hope in 2020 to just... be a little bit more productive and successful. Do I want to hit the lottery and meet the love of my life? Who doesn't? I'd settle for "reasonable employment" and "maybe download an app."

    I would like my life to just not be full of drama and generally shit. Which makes me sound gloomy. I'm not. Just... realistic. It is what it is and I don't want pity. I want a decent job and a social network that is supportive and reliable. I had a bad 2019 socially. I had to leave my group of IRL friends because they were insufferable and really rude to me. I thought it was just me being a bitch until someone else was like "What the hell is their problem?" Like they were telling me how wrong I was in some choices with my kid, like really dumb stupid things. But you can't say that what I choose is wrong when your circumstances are vastly different. And when your kid hasn't started puberty yet. And you're not divorced. See if your opinions are the same after divorce and hormones. ps no one asked you.

    It's all a vicious cycle. For example, I could maybe make new, better friends at a job but it'd be easier to find a job if I had a friend be like "oh hey I know someone hiring". That sort of thing. But I keep checking hw ads and making chit chat with people and occasionally drop an "I'm single" comment out there. I haven't given up. I'm just... tired. I am literally the lyrics to the Friends theme song. lol.

    But I exercise almost every day. Last year I did 313 workouts of walking at least a mile for a total of 696 miles. I walked (and sometimes ran) more than that, but those are logged workouts, not like walking around the mall. I rarely drink. Every year I get a little bit better about what I eat and I haven't had a cigarette in like 4.5 years. I read a ton of books and I've been teaching myself for a while now a little bit of html and css every day and how to do some minor graphic design. I go to an exercise class in the summer and I lost a bunch of weight doing it (it's pool based and doesn't happen in the winter). Granted, I gained it all back, but hey, maybe it's winter weight. I try new recipes. It's lonely and boring but I haven't given up.

  12. #12
    Gone Andromeda grapefruit_is_winning's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    2,842
    Quote Originally Posted by Regina Phalange View Post
    So I hope in 2020 to just... be a little bit more productive and successful. Do I want to hit the lottery and meet the love of my life? Who doesn't? I'd settle for "reasonable employment" and "maybe download an app." WISE

    But I exercise almost every day. Last year I did 313 workouts of walking at least a mile for a total of 696 miles. I walked (and sometimes ran) more than that, but those are logged workouts, not like walking around the mall. I rarely drink. Every year I get a little bit better about what I eat and I haven't had a cigarette in like 4.5 years. I read a ton of books and I've been teaching myself for a while now a little bit of html and css every day and how to do some minor graphic design. I go to an exercise class in the summer and I lost a bunch of weight doing it (it's pool based and doesn't happen in the winter). Granted, I gained it all back, but hey, maybe it's winter weight. I try new recipes. It's lonely and boring but I haven't given up.
    GOOD FOR YOU! Wow! Seriously. Somehow I have managed to lose about 30 pounds over the last few months. (Which I'm realizing is one benefit of having a sex life again... it really kind of forces you to make reasonable health decisions, knowing you will be seen naked, by someone you are trying to attract.) But I've done it all the wrong way, unlike you.

    Sounds like you really have your head on your shoulders to me.

  13. #13
    a succulent Chinese meal lacuna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    1,120
    Regina have you tried a staffing agency to find a job? I was out of work several months ago and was having no luck on my own so I went to an agency and they helped me find a great job fairly quickly. Great resource and they’ll help you with your resume.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •