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Thread: When people "bingo" you...

  1. #16
    skeptic. Chalk's Avatar
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    This reminds me of a friend of mine who has been married for less than a year. She recently went to a dinner party at her in-laws. The first question her FIL asks her as soon as she walks in is "When are you going to get pregnant?".

    My friend, who by the way wants children, was really stunned by the way he asked her. Regardless of her wishes to start a family, it's a really offensive thing to ask IMO. One could be more subtle too, and not go all third degree on a person.

  2. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Chalk View Post
    This reminds me of a friend of mine who has been married for less than a year. She recently went to a dinner party at her in-laws. The first question her FIL asks her as soon as she walks in is "When are you going to get pregnant?"
    That's such an incredibly invasive and presumptuous question, and it's really not a topic that is fit for discussion in any situation. It's tantamount to asking someone, "Do you think you'll ever get your nose fixed? I know a great plastic surgeon!"

  3. #18
    bubble in a soundwave sara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chalk View Post
    This reminds me of a friend of mine who has been married for less than a year. She recently went to a dinner party at her in-laws. The first question her FIL asks her as soon as she walks in is "When are you going to get pregnant?".

    My friend, who by the way wants children, was really stunned by the way he asked her. Regardless of her wishes to start a family, it's a really offensive thing to ask IMO. One could be more subtle too, and not go all third degree on a person.
    At home, that shit starts THE DAY OF THE WEDDING. Literally. My parents and friends (and I've seen it too) have all said that they've been at weddings and the second the ceremony is done and the dinner starts, people start asking when they're going to have the first one.
    Does it happen elsewhere? People asking about crotchdroppings the day of the wedding? Or is that strictly a batshit insane Caper-y thing to do?

  4. #19
    skeptic. Chalk's Avatar
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    Well my grandfather at my uncle's wedding asked in his speech that he was expecting babies in a years time. I assumed it was a joke, my mother told me she perceived it otherwise - as damn serious. I still think it was joke(at least -ish) as my uncle was approaching the big 4-0 at the time.


    I still think people expect babies after marriage, but most don't ask out loud or are polite enough to know it's none of their business. However, I'm being too much of an optimistic about this. Most people are rude and abrasive about issues that doesn't concern them.

  5. #20
    We'll see how brave you are. Bluebell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kala View Post
    What bothers me most about this subject is that it is almost without exception a question posed by women towards other women. Rarely do I hear men saying something to the effect: "You'll change your mind one day". It's more about women who cannot imagine their lives being complete without children, judging other women for choosing to remain childfree. They really cannot fathom how another woman can be content with her life without being a mother. And that's what it boils down to in my view.
    Yeah, I've only ever had one man throw that at me, and it really shocked/disappointed me because this guy is a big free thinker/someone I like a fair bit. But because all his friends who didn't want children suddenly wanted children at 30, that would obviously happen to me, too. Fuck that.

    People have usually only ever given me the "It'll change when you're older/it's different when they're your kids" lines, and I've always just countered them with "...Yeah, no. Trust me"...followed by epic descriptions of the lengths I go to avoid children on a day-to-day basis. I've become so forceful lately that most people I know (even my mother!) have backed off.

  6. #21
    The Good Book is missing some pages Maeve's Avatar
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    Fortunately I was never put in the situation of being pushed to having children... and I have also to say that my family, my mother in particular, doesn't have problems with my way of thinking. She's always said that's my choice and she's not the one who'll question it.

    I had, though, a conversation with my ex once (when he wasn't an ex yet ) about having children. At that time wedding was a possibility... and HE began to say things about the family name (not an issue since his brother still had a son) and such.
    Well... we parted ways for a million reasons, that's one of them.
    I find so orryfying wanting to have children because of the family name... or because you don't want to die alone. WTF?

    Long time ago there weren't efficient ways to prevent a pregnancy. Now times are different, I can't believe, though, people still refuse to make the procreation choice as a choice of sense and responsibility.
    Al the buzz for not killing embrios but then some give birth to children for all the wrong reasons and without being sure they can afford the time and money expense.

    Is it right, butterfly, they like you better framed and dried?

  7. #22
    waited with a glacier's patience Churumbela's Avatar
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    My parents are well aware of my choice and are very respectful of it. I'm not an only child, so my mother doesn't worry about not having grandkids.

    The people who usually bingo me are co-workers. It's generally of the "oh, you'll change your mind when you're older" variety. My comeback is generally "I'm 30 years old. If I actually wanted them, I probably would have heard the 'biological clock' ticking by now. I'm not a child, I'm old enough to make my own decisions." The person bingoing me is inevitably someone in their forties or fifties who thinks I'm little better than a teenager.
    I am the beginning. The end. The one that is many.

  8. #23
    Make it Pink Medusa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sara View Post
    Does it happen elsewhere? People asking about crotchdroppings the day of the wedding? Or is that strictly a batshit insane Caper-y thing to do?
    Yep. I was at a wedding last week and we hadn't even left the church before people started asking the groom about it.

  9. #24
    bubble in a soundwave sara's Avatar
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    ^ I've never understood that.

  10. #25
    she said destroy Lágnætti's Avatar
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    ^Lifescript(tm).

    Dating, marriage, kids, more kids, maybe a divorce/remarriage or two, grandkids, retirement, dribble yourself to death in a retirement home. Standard model of social conformity. Once you've done one, the kind of people who care about that sort of thing pretty much expect you to do the rest too, I've noticed. Any deviation from the norm upsets their sense of self. The most tedious type of people are those who are very hung up on social conformity, you might have noticed. The same type also tend to have an inordinate appetite for the gross details of other people's lives, probably because their own are so fucking boring. And they love, love, love to police your choices.

    If you fail to conform whatsoever, they write you off and leave you alone after a while. But white dresses, weddings and other conformist displays of heteronormative social activity tend to encourage the poor dears to get on your case forever more. Be warned.

  11. #26
    the reichenbach hero fox in socks's Avatar
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    lifescript indeed (im stealing said term). i concur with the frenzy of activity that seems to follow participation in some of those milestones. kiddie-frenzy was in high action just after i got married. it still rages with random people. i wonder how people dont ever get that its mad rude to say "when are you having kids?" or "any babies in the future?". and when i say "no" i hear how special, wonderful, bingotastic it would be. i made the error not too long ago of asking someone if they had kids (chalk it up to social conversation fail) and heard about their fertility issues. i opened that door myself so i sucked it up and listened but felt like a tool for asking such a personal question. seriously--dunmiff/sys social fail you guys.

  12. #27
    bubble in a soundwave sara's Avatar
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    ^ Oh god, a friend of mine is a new father and out of politeness I asked "so how's parenthood" and it turned into an hour-long monologue about his kid. I need to remember not to bring it up. I wanted to say "look, I love you but STFU about it breastfeeding and pooping. I DO NOT CARE and stop sending me pictures of it".

    Quote Originally Posted by gog View Post
    Any deviation from the norm upsets their sense of self. The most tedious type of people are those who are very hung up on social conformity, you might have noticed. The same type also tend to have an inordinate appetite for the gross details of other people's lives, probably because their own are so fucking boring. And they love, love, love to police your choices.

    If you fail to conform whatsoever, they write you off and leave you alone after a while. But white dresses, weddings and other conformist displays of heteronormative social activity tend to encourage the poor dears to get on your case forever more. Be warned.
    I have noticed that the people with an almost obsession with conformity are the ones that are more concerned with people "doing the right thing". I guess I just don't care enough about the inner workings of other people's lives to give two shits if they want kids or not (amongst other things) to really concern myself with it.
    Thankfully if I have a wedding, it'll be a big gay non-traditional affair with a very small guestlist

  13. #28
    Make it Pink Medusa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sara View Post
    ^ I've never understood that.
    I don't get it either. People assume that marriage MUST mean you want kids (ridiculous anyway), but even so: why move right in when the bride and groom are enjoying their day together? It's so lame.

    Quote Originally Posted by gog View Post
    If you fail to conform whatsoever, they write you off and leave you alone after a while. But white dresses, weddings and other conformist displays of heteronormative social activity tend to encourage the poor dears to get on your case forever more. Be warned.
    The white dress thing is SO HILARIOUS to me. My wedding dress will never, ever be white. Red or purple all the way, and screw anyone who would have an issue with that. They wouldn't be welcome at my wedding anyway.

  14. #29
    phalangeal fruit blank-ette's Avatar
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    Ha. I've never heard that term "bingo" before in this context.
    It bothers me to no end when people do it though.
    With me, it's more "When are you getting married?" and not "When are you having kids?"
    I'm 31. I've had a boyfriend for a while, so I think it's assumed that I'll marry and procreate with him. Um no thanks.

    When I mention that I don't want children, I always get the "Oh no, why!" response, like that's the most awful thing to NOT WANT.
    Basically I want a life. and I don't want to set it aside for 18 years for some brat. Besides, I wouldn't want to bring up a kid in this f'ed up world right now anyways. I can barely survive myself! If they want the short answer I just say, "Because I'm selfish." (When really it could be seen as just the opposite) I think some people have kids to validate their lives and to have a plaything they can dote over and brag about. that's pretty messed up and selfish too if you ask me.
    I always liked a good storm.

  15. #30
    fulfiller of the mullet prophecy eednic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JayPea View Post
    ^ The last time someone asked me at a party if T and I were trying to have kids, I reached for the nearest beer and said, "Not no, but hell no!" and took a big swig. That shut them the fuck up.
    Ahahha! Erik is taking me to his 20 year high school reunion next week and he's warned me that I may be accosted verbally by strangers about various topics, including religion and kids. Maybe I will use your approach if the need arises! I also thought I could say "oh we have some! we left them in the car!"

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